Last year, I did a small series of posts about Anxiety. This is a continuation of those posts. Today I would like to talk about seeing anxiety apart from yourself. You are not your anxiety. Why is this significant? Because it frees you from the guilt and shame of what the anxiety brings into your life. It also helps you to see that you always have choices. Those of us with anxiety often become "stress paralyzed." We feel stuck and feel as though we have no choices. We will always be condemned and doomed to this state. Not. True. My friends. There is ALWAYS hope. There are always choices!
When I was younger, I had a very irrational fear. I focused on this fear and it went around and around and around inside me like a hamster running on its wheel. The OCD part of me tried to remedy this fear by saying an affirmation over and over and over in my mind. I would write the affirmation over and over and over. I thought that if I didn't say or write the affirmation, I would suddenly be overcome by the irrational fear and turn into something that I did not want to be. I didn't tell anyone at the time about the embarrassing need to write and say a silly affirmation!
What I missed then was that it wasn't me! It was the anxiety that was causing me to fixate on the supposed problem. When you realize that you are not your anxiety, you can focus on the real problem...the anxiety!! You can stop the wheel. You can get professional help if needed. You can cease giving the irrational thoughts power. They can just pass through your head, and you don't have to feel guilty about them; you don't have to analyze them; you can just let them go! Don't hold on to them! See how free that feels?
When I had that realization this week, I wanted to go back in time and visit the adolescent me. I wanted to give myself a hug and say, "It's ok. You're not broken. You are not bad. You have anxiety, but you are not your anxiety. You are so much more."
We have choices. We have hope. We have love. And most of all, we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ that covers it all. It covers me and makes me more than I could ever hope to be on my own.
I hope you see yourself as Christ sees you. When He looks at you, He sees so much more than your anxiety or depression or disability or imperfection. He sees His brother or His sister. He understands and offers grace. He loves you. Truly, truly loves YOU. May you feel that in the center of your very being.
Much love,
Heather
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Progress Before Perfection
Hi, Everyone!
I'm still alive! I haven't written for a while. I've been busy living life and being the mom to 5 BEAUTIFUL girls! I only post when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say and when I feel like it could possibly be helpful to others, and this is something I've been thinking about for a while.
Summer is in full swing here, and the messes are flying as all the girls are home all day. Hats off to my homeschooling friends!! I think you are saints. I love having my girls home, and I love the freedom of the schedule, but three things are a little difficult: 1) the food, 2) the fights, and 3) the messes. I can't be the only mom with these problems, am I right?
Whoever said that boys will eat you out of house and home did not try to keep my girls fed. Maybe it switches when they hit adolescence and then the boys take the food consumption lead? I don't know. Anyway, keeping food in the house is a task for sure. I'm not really going to tackle that problem in this post, but felt it should get honorable mention.
The girls constantly being in each other's space also creates a problem. The arguing, the fighting, the pinching, the scratching, the hitting, and yes, sometimes even the spitting. Not. Good. Thank goodness they also play really well together most of the time. Once again, I'm not tackling this issue, so sorry if you got your hopes up. One thing at a time, people, one. thing. at. a. time.
That brings me to the reason we are all gathered together today, and it is not marriage. You guessed it, we are talking about messes. I have struggled so much as a mom trying to find the balance between "Touch anything, and you die," and "Sure kids, put the toothpaste all over the counter instead of a 'pea-size' on your toothbrush." Finding a system that doesn't enslave us, but serves us is a difficult ongoing challenge.
A couple of weeks ago, I revamped our whole chore system for the summertime. The system is based on two new family mottos:
I didn't want the kids to feel like their chores are unclear, unfair, or unending. I do, however, want them to learn to be respectful, responsible, and capable human beings. I also want it to be EXTREMELY clear that I am NOT their MAID!!!
The focus on progress before perfection takes a little bit of pressure off. It makes the system doable. It allows children to be children. It allows learning and grace. Things are not perfect, but they are good, and they can get better. My children are not perfect, but they are GOOD, and when we focus on all the imperfections, we miss out on all the treasures that are right in front of our eyes. We can progress over time and sometimes "good enough" really is good enough!
There are two purposes for the second statement. First, take pleasure in a job well done! Look around when you are done with your job, and see how much better it looks. This gives a feeling of satisfaction. It's a reward in-and-of itself. Second, seriously, if you "did" your job, and it doesn't look better than when you started, then you did NOT do your job. I got tired of looking around when all the chores were "done" and thinking, "How is it still such a mess??"
So, we started a new chore system. Each girl (except the baby) has a ring with laminated chore cards for every day of the week. Each card has their to-do list for the day. They rotate through breakfast duty, lunch duty, and dinner duty. I want them to learn how to cook! They rotate through a house chore (front room, computer room, downstairs, or animals), and they rotate through kitchen jobs. They each have to work on their rooms for 10 minutes a day (not till "done," just for 10 minutes). Reading, personal pets, brushing teeth, math, and mindful movement are also on their cards. My girls have liked the system because they know what to expect and are not stuck with the same kitchen job or house job for days on end.
I check chores before they play or get to do certain activities. However, we are flexible. Last Tuesday, we enjoyed a day at the zoo with friends and family. No one did chores that day. On Wednesday, we just started on the Wednesday card and didn't even worry about Tuesday! The cousins are here this week, so who knows what will happen, but that's ok.We'll pick back up sometime!
Whatever chore system you choose, make sure it is simple and sustainable. Your systems are there to serve you, not the other way around!
Remember: Progress before perfection!!
Good luck!
Much Love,
Heather
I'm still alive! I haven't written for a while. I've been busy living life and being the mom to 5 BEAUTIFUL girls! I only post when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say and when I feel like it could possibly be helpful to others, and this is something I've been thinking about for a while.
Summer is in full swing here, and the messes are flying as all the girls are home all day. Hats off to my homeschooling friends!! I think you are saints. I love having my girls home, and I love the freedom of the schedule, but three things are a little difficult: 1) the food, 2) the fights, and 3) the messes. I can't be the only mom with these problems, am I right?
Whoever said that boys will eat you out of house and home did not try to keep my girls fed. Maybe it switches when they hit adolescence and then the boys take the food consumption lead? I don't know. Anyway, keeping food in the house is a task for sure. I'm not really going to tackle that problem in this post, but felt it should get honorable mention.
The girls constantly being in each other's space also creates a problem. The arguing, the fighting, the pinching, the scratching, the hitting, and yes, sometimes even the spitting. Not. Good. Thank goodness they also play really well together most of the time. Once again, I'm not tackling this issue, so sorry if you got your hopes up. One thing at a time, people, one. thing. at. a. time.
That brings me to the reason we are all gathered together today, and it is not marriage. You guessed it, we are talking about messes. I have struggled so much as a mom trying to find the balance between "Touch anything, and you die," and "Sure kids, put the toothpaste all over the counter instead of a 'pea-size' on your toothbrush." Finding a system that doesn't enslave us, but serves us is a difficult ongoing challenge.
A couple of weeks ago, I revamped our whole chore system for the summertime. The system is based on two new family mottos:
1) Progress before perfection.
2)Does it look better when you're finished than when you started?
I didn't want the kids to feel like their chores are unclear, unfair, or unending. I do, however, want them to learn to be respectful, responsible, and capable human beings. I also want it to be EXTREMELY clear that I am NOT their MAID!!!
The focus on progress before perfection takes a little bit of pressure off. It makes the system doable. It allows children to be children. It allows learning and grace. Things are not perfect, but they are good, and they can get better. My children are not perfect, but they are GOOD, and when we focus on all the imperfections, we miss out on all the treasures that are right in front of our eyes. We can progress over time and sometimes "good enough" really is good enough!
There are two purposes for the second statement. First, take pleasure in a job well done! Look around when you are done with your job, and see how much better it looks. This gives a feeling of satisfaction. It's a reward in-and-of itself. Second, seriously, if you "did" your job, and it doesn't look better than when you started, then you did NOT do your job. I got tired of looking around when all the chores were "done" and thinking, "How is it still such a mess??"
So, we started a new chore system. Each girl (except the baby) has a ring with laminated chore cards for every day of the week. Each card has their to-do list for the day. They rotate through breakfast duty, lunch duty, and dinner duty. I want them to learn how to cook! They rotate through a house chore (front room, computer room, downstairs, or animals), and they rotate through kitchen jobs. They each have to work on their rooms for 10 minutes a day (not till "done," just for 10 minutes). Reading, personal pets, brushing teeth, math, and mindful movement are also on their cards. My girls have liked the system because they know what to expect and are not stuck with the same kitchen job or house job for days on end.
I check chores before they play or get to do certain activities. However, we are flexible. Last Tuesday, we enjoyed a day at the zoo with friends and family. No one did chores that day. On Wednesday, we just started on the Wednesday card and didn't even worry about Tuesday! The cousins are here this week, so who knows what will happen, but that's ok.We'll pick back up sometime!
Whatever chore system you choose, make sure it is simple and sustainable. Your systems are there to serve you, not the other way around!
Remember: Progress before perfection!!
Good luck!
Much Love,
Heather
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