I wasn't going to write this.
I wasn't going to write this because I'm not on the other side of it...yet.
I wasn't going to write this because I'm a mess, and part of me really wants you to believe that I'm not a mess, that I am handling life really well, that I can do anything and everything!
I'm not a "success story" that screams, "Listen to me because I have it all together, and I know just what you should do!" Instead, I'm broken.
I'm broken, and I know it.
I'm broken, but I can't seem to put all the pieces together again.
The anxiety has been taking over my world. I'm drowning on the inside.
I've tried to talk myself out of it.
I've tried to focus on the positive.
I've told myself, "Snap out of it! Get your act together, Woman!"
But, I can't.
When you suffer with anxiety or depression or ADHD or anything else of the sort, you can't just snap out of it. You can't always talk yourself out of it, or guess what??? No one would have these disorders! Do you think someone wants this?
I feel guilty because I know that my life is really, really good. I know I have so many blessings. I know that outside it looks like I "shouldn't" be struggling. But, I am.
So, why did I decide to write this?
Because, it is my REALITY, and there are some of you out there that feel the same way. There are those of you who are hurting inside. Who are exhausted from the internal battle that rages. There are those of you who need to hear someone say, "I'm broken, too. You're not alone." That is what I am saying. You. Are. Not. Alone.
I'm also writing this so that maybe we can have a little more compassion for ourselves and for others. Maybe we can look at each other and instead of judging, just reach out a hand and offer a listening ear (even if we don't understand what people are going through). Maybe we can say, "What can I do to help?" Maybe we can look past each other's messes and see people, children of God, who need love and acceptance. Maybe we can see that a lot of us are doing the dang best that we can. Maybe instead of turning our noses up at people, we can open our arms. Maybe we don't need to put people in categories or slots. Maybe we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I can give myself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we can do this...we can get through this...together.
Finally, I'm writing this to tell you that, I am going to be ok. In my heart of hearts, underneath the mess, I still know that I am going to be ok. I am going to keep getting up in the morning. I am going to keep trying to give my kids the best me I can. I am going to keep searching for solutions. I am going to accept help when offered. I am going to seek help. I am going to try to swallow my pride. I am going to put one foot in front of the other. Through the grace of Jesus Christ and with His tender mercies, I am going to be ok.
And so are you.
Much Love ~
Heather
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
Sunday, September 2, 2018
The Diet: The Anxiety Saga Continues...
Y'all what you put in your mouth, chew, and swallow MATTERS! What we eat affects us, not just the size of our bodies, but the quality of our lives. I know this; I have experienced this first-hand, and I STILL struggle. I am a recovering picky eater. I have come a long way, my friends, but gosh dang, I still like cupcakes, candy, pudding, the list is endless! So, please don't think that I eat perfectly, but I feel this needs to be shared.
I mentioned in another post, that I would talk about some of what I call "chemical triggers" of my anxiety. And those triggers are FOOD. First offender: Dairy. I've had a love/hate relationship with that one for a LONG time. I truly have a dairy-intolerance that I have known about since I was young. I used to have a stomachache every day in elementary school. The teacher and my mom wondered how I could have a stomachache EVERY DAY. Well, I was drinking milk with my lunch EVERY DAY. So, I had to cut out dairy. That started the rollercoaster ride....crave dairy- eat dairy- feel crappy- cut out dairy- crave dairy and on and on and on. It's insanity, people.
What I didn't realize back then was that the stomachache was not the only price I was paying with my rollercoaster eating. Eating dairy directly affects my ANXIETY. It's usually a day or two later that it hits full force, but it is still connected. The idea seemed ridiculous when it was first presented to me (probably by my well-meaning mom). I have since learned about the brain-gut connection, how food allergies affect our behavior and emotions, how foods can cause inflammation in the brain and thus affect our mental health, etc. (Google it if you don't believe me!) This is a REAL thing, friends, and I know that I am not the only one that this affects.
Second offender: Gluten. This one was harder for me to figure out. Plus, I thought if I couldn't eat dairy OR gluten, I might as well lay down and die because STARVING to death didn't sound like any kind of life for me (I know...I am so dramatic!). But, seriously, food is tied to emotion in more than one way and giving up something and feeling deprived is a struggle. It's hard for so many people! I finally had to bite the bullet when I was nursing my third daughter, and she couldn't have gluten. It's one thing to harm myself with the things I eat, but it's a whole different ballgame harming my child. And, you know, going off gluten HELPED my anxiety! Now, I try to focus on the BENEFIT of eating or not eating certain things and focus on what I CAN have.
You know the last post I wrote? The one about emotional and mental health and our children? Yeah, that one. Well, I mentioned that my daughter suffers with anxiety and, at one point, depression. She had frequent stomachaches and headaches. We took her off gluten, and it helped her stomachaches AND anxiety. We still have to work with thought-training and coping mechanism. We still have bad days. In fact, just last week we had a bad bout with my daughter and her anxiety. We came upon a terrible wreck and saw too much. My daughter had a stomachache for two days. But, we are managing the anxiety better and one of the BIGGEST things that has helped is taking her off gluten.
Third offender: Sugar. Dang it! I love sweet things! I REALLY love sweet things. I feel like I NEED sweet things, but sugar isn't good for me. Especially not in the amounts I was eating. So, I am cutting back on my sugar intake.
I don't know what food triggers you might have. I can't tell you what to cut out of your diet. All I know is that what we eat makes a difference. It affects how we physically feel, our emotions, our behaviors, etc. If you struggle with anxiety and you don't know what to do, this may be something you want to look into. You may want to research and experiment with what you eat to see how you feel. You'll have to give it some time. You can't go off something for a day and think it doesn't work because you didn't have immediate results. It takes time to get toxins out of your body. It takes time to allow it to heal. See if you get some positive results. As always, pray about the direction to take.
Oh, and don't judge me if you see me eating a cupcake. After all, I'm only human!
Much Love!!
Heather
I mentioned in another post, that I would talk about some of what I call "chemical triggers" of my anxiety. And those triggers are FOOD. First offender: Dairy. I've had a love/hate relationship with that one for a LONG time. I truly have a dairy-intolerance that I have known about since I was young. I used to have a stomachache every day in elementary school. The teacher and my mom wondered how I could have a stomachache EVERY DAY. Well, I was drinking milk with my lunch EVERY DAY. So, I had to cut out dairy. That started the rollercoaster ride....crave dairy- eat dairy- feel crappy- cut out dairy- crave dairy and on and on and on. It's insanity, people.
What I didn't realize back then was that the stomachache was not the only price I was paying with my rollercoaster eating. Eating dairy directly affects my ANXIETY. It's usually a day or two later that it hits full force, but it is still connected. The idea seemed ridiculous when it was first presented to me (probably by my well-meaning mom). I have since learned about the brain-gut connection, how food allergies affect our behavior and emotions, how foods can cause inflammation in the brain and thus affect our mental health, etc. (Google it if you don't believe me!) This is a REAL thing, friends, and I know that I am not the only one that this affects.
Second offender: Gluten. This one was harder for me to figure out. Plus, I thought if I couldn't eat dairy OR gluten, I might as well lay down and die because STARVING to death didn't sound like any kind of life for me (I know...I am so dramatic!). But, seriously, food is tied to emotion in more than one way and giving up something and feeling deprived is a struggle. It's hard for so many people! I finally had to bite the bullet when I was nursing my third daughter, and she couldn't have gluten. It's one thing to harm myself with the things I eat, but it's a whole different ballgame harming my child. And, you know, going off gluten HELPED my anxiety! Now, I try to focus on the BENEFIT of eating or not eating certain things and focus on what I CAN have.
You know the last post I wrote? The one about emotional and mental health and our children? Yeah, that one. Well, I mentioned that my daughter suffers with anxiety and, at one point, depression. She had frequent stomachaches and headaches. We took her off gluten, and it helped her stomachaches AND anxiety. We still have to work with thought-training and coping mechanism. We still have bad days. In fact, just last week we had a bad bout with my daughter and her anxiety. We came upon a terrible wreck and saw too much. My daughter had a stomachache for two days. But, we are managing the anxiety better and one of the BIGGEST things that has helped is taking her off gluten.
Third offender: Sugar. Dang it! I love sweet things! I REALLY love sweet things. I feel like I NEED sweet things, but sugar isn't good for me. Especially not in the amounts I was eating. So, I am cutting back on my sugar intake.
I don't know what food triggers you might have. I can't tell you what to cut out of your diet. All I know is that what we eat makes a difference. It affects how we physically feel, our emotions, our behaviors, etc. If you struggle with anxiety and you don't know what to do, this may be something you want to look into. You may want to research and experiment with what you eat to see how you feel. You'll have to give it some time. You can't go off something for a day and think it doesn't work because you didn't have immediate results. It takes time to get toxins out of your body. It takes time to allow it to heal. See if you get some positive results. As always, pray about the direction to take.
Oh, and don't judge me if you see me eating a cupcake. After all, I'm only human!
Much Love!!
Heather
Monday, August 20, 2018
If Your Child is Drowning, Throw Her a Lifeline
It hit me like a ton of bricks. Bricks of guilt. Bricks of sorrow. Bricks of fear. My beautiful child was depressed. She was struggling with anxiety. She was on a downhill slide. And I was doing nothing about it. It was hard to admit. It was a hard pill to swallow. Why? Sometimes it is easier not to deal with something, like if you don't look it in the eye and give it a name, it might just go away and disappear forever. You may not know WHAT to do. You might not even know where to start. It can be overwhelming. Then there is the guilt. Why didn't I see this sooner? Why did I pass on THOSE genes? What actions have I done and words have I said that have put chinks in the armor of my darling child without even realizing it? What would people think? What would people think of my family? What would people think of ME? And it goes on...
Then, I realized. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! So, I took time to cry a little (maybe a lot). I swallowed my pride. I prayed. I set aside my guilt and picked up my love and my courage, and I put on my big girl panties. If my child was drowning, I would do everything in my power, even to the peril of my own life, to save her. My child was emotionally drowning. So, I started to look for ANSWERS, and I started to take ACTION. This is an ongoing battle, my friends. It is not a "one and done," but there has been PROGRESS. There has been HEALING. And I will keep fighting for my child, because she is WORTH it!!!
We teach our kids to tie their shoes and write their names. We teach them to count to 100, and we teach them their ABC's. We teach them to share and be kind to others (well, we sure do try)… But how often do we take the time to teach kids to be mentally and emotionally healthy? Do we ourselves know how to be mentally and emotionally healthy? Do we put time into training ourselves and gaining the skill set necessary to teach our children and be good examples to them?
I believe that the hardest battles we fight in this life can be internal: how we perceive ourselves, how we perceive the world around us, how we work with positive and negative emotions, the voices that we choose to listen to, thoughts that we give power to. This all happens inside of us, and it can be confusing, overwhelming, and scary. How we react to outward stimuli will largely depend on how we are taking care of the inside.
I don't know all the answers (ha! not even close). All I know is that I have felt called to focus on teaching emotional and mental health to my family and that means learning some skills myself! It has been clumsy, imperfect, and even awkward at times. I still have my training-wheels on, but I sure am pedaling! It's amazing when your awareness is awakened, how things just show up in your life at the right time, from the right people, in the right way.
So this is a call to all of us to open our eyes! Open our hearts! What is happening inside of you? What is happening inside of your children? How does it feel to be them? Have open communication with your children. Help them to learn how to deal with the anxiety, depression, fear, rejection, failure along with all the positive emotions that they may be experiencing. Get help from professionals if that is what is needed.
Your child is worth it! YOU are worth it! There is JOY and LIGHT and LOVE to be had in this life. Let's arm our children with the SKILLS to take care of themselves emotionally and mentally so that they can experience life more abundantly. You will be led in your journey; I am sure of it!
Much Love ❧
Heather
Then, I realized. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! So, I took time to cry a little (maybe a lot). I swallowed my pride. I prayed. I set aside my guilt and picked up my love and my courage, and I put on my big girl panties. If my child was drowning, I would do everything in my power, even to the peril of my own life, to save her. My child was emotionally drowning. So, I started to look for ANSWERS, and I started to take ACTION. This is an ongoing battle, my friends. It is not a "one and done," but there has been PROGRESS. There has been HEALING. And I will keep fighting for my child, because she is WORTH it!!!
We teach our kids to tie their shoes and write their names. We teach them to count to 100, and we teach them their ABC's. We teach them to share and be kind to others (well, we sure do try)… But how often do we take the time to teach kids to be mentally and emotionally healthy? Do we ourselves know how to be mentally and emotionally healthy? Do we put time into training ourselves and gaining the skill set necessary to teach our children and be good examples to them?
I believe that the hardest battles we fight in this life can be internal: how we perceive ourselves, how we perceive the world around us, how we work with positive and negative emotions, the voices that we choose to listen to, thoughts that we give power to. This all happens inside of us, and it can be confusing, overwhelming, and scary. How we react to outward stimuli will largely depend on how we are taking care of the inside.
I don't know all the answers (ha! not even close). All I know is that I have felt called to focus on teaching emotional and mental health to my family and that means learning some skills myself! It has been clumsy, imperfect, and even awkward at times. I still have my training-wheels on, but I sure am pedaling! It's amazing when your awareness is awakened, how things just show up in your life at the right time, from the right people, in the right way.
So this is a call to all of us to open our eyes! Open our hearts! What is happening inside of you? What is happening inside of your children? How does it feel to be them? Have open communication with your children. Help them to learn how to deal with the anxiety, depression, fear, rejection, failure along with all the positive emotions that they may be experiencing. Get help from professionals if that is what is needed.
Your child is worth it! YOU are worth it! There is JOY and LIGHT and LOVE to be had in this life. Let's arm our children with the SKILLS to take care of themselves emotionally and mentally so that they can experience life more abundantly. You will be led in your journey; I am sure of it!
Much Love ❧
Heather
Saturday, June 23, 2018
The Anxiety is NOT me: Anxiety Part 4
Last year, I did a small series of posts about Anxiety. This is a continuation of those posts. Today I would like to talk about seeing anxiety apart from yourself. You are not your anxiety. Why is this significant? Because it frees you from the guilt and shame of what the anxiety brings into your life. It also helps you to see that you always have choices. Those of us with anxiety often become "stress paralyzed." We feel stuck and feel as though we have no choices. We will always be condemned and doomed to this state. Not. True. My friends. There is ALWAYS hope. There are always choices!
When I was younger, I had a very irrational fear. I focused on this fear and it went around and around and around inside me like a hamster running on its wheel. The OCD part of me tried to remedy this fear by saying an affirmation over and over and over in my mind. I would write the affirmation over and over and over. I thought that if I didn't say or write the affirmation, I would suddenly be overcome by the irrational fear and turn into something that I did not want to be. I didn't tell anyone at the time about the embarrassing need to write and say a silly affirmation!
What I missed then was that it wasn't me! It was the anxiety that was causing me to fixate on the supposed problem. When you realize that you are not your anxiety, you can focus on the real problem...the anxiety!! You can stop the wheel. You can get professional help if needed. You can cease giving the irrational thoughts power. They can just pass through your head, and you don't have to feel guilty about them; you don't have to analyze them; you can just let them go! Don't hold on to them! See how free that feels?
When I had that realization this week, I wanted to go back in time and visit the adolescent me. I wanted to give myself a hug and say, "It's ok. You're not broken. You are not bad. You have anxiety, but you are not your anxiety. You are so much more."
We have choices. We have hope. We have love. And most of all, we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ that covers it all. It covers me and makes me more than I could ever hope to be on my own.
I hope you see yourself as Christ sees you. When He looks at you, He sees so much more than your anxiety or depression or disability or imperfection. He sees His brother or His sister. He understands and offers grace. He loves you. Truly, truly loves YOU. May you feel that in the center of your very being.
Much love,
Heather
When I was younger, I had a very irrational fear. I focused on this fear and it went around and around and around inside me like a hamster running on its wheel. The OCD part of me tried to remedy this fear by saying an affirmation over and over and over in my mind. I would write the affirmation over and over and over. I thought that if I didn't say or write the affirmation, I would suddenly be overcome by the irrational fear and turn into something that I did not want to be. I didn't tell anyone at the time about the embarrassing need to write and say a silly affirmation!
What I missed then was that it wasn't me! It was the anxiety that was causing me to fixate on the supposed problem. When you realize that you are not your anxiety, you can focus on the real problem...the anxiety!! You can stop the wheel. You can get professional help if needed. You can cease giving the irrational thoughts power. They can just pass through your head, and you don't have to feel guilty about them; you don't have to analyze them; you can just let them go! Don't hold on to them! See how free that feels?
When I had that realization this week, I wanted to go back in time and visit the adolescent me. I wanted to give myself a hug and say, "It's ok. You're not broken. You are not bad. You have anxiety, but you are not your anxiety. You are so much more."
We have choices. We have hope. We have love. And most of all, we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ that covers it all. It covers me and makes me more than I could ever hope to be on my own.
I hope you see yourself as Christ sees you. When He looks at you, He sees so much more than your anxiety or depression or disability or imperfection. He sees His brother or His sister. He understands and offers grace. He loves you. Truly, truly loves YOU. May you feel that in the center of your very being.
Much love,
Heather
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Progress Before Perfection
Hi, Everyone!
I'm still alive! I haven't written for a while. I've been busy living life and being the mom to 5 BEAUTIFUL girls! I only post when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say and when I feel like it could possibly be helpful to others, and this is something I've been thinking about for a while.
Summer is in full swing here, and the messes are flying as all the girls are home all day. Hats off to my homeschooling friends!! I think you are saints. I love having my girls home, and I love the freedom of the schedule, but three things are a little difficult: 1) the food, 2) the fights, and 3) the messes. I can't be the only mom with these problems, am I right?
Whoever said that boys will eat you out of house and home did not try to keep my girls fed. Maybe it switches when they hit adolescence and then the boys take the food consumption lead? I don't know. Anyway, keeping food in the house is a task for sure. I'm not really going to tackle that problem in this post, but felt it should get honorable mention.
The girls constantly being in each other's space also creates a problem. The arguing, the fighting, the pinching, the scratching, the hitting, and yes, sometimes even the spitting. Not. Good. Thank goodness they also play really well together most of the time. Once again, I'm not tackling this issue, so sorry if you got your hopes up. One thing at a time, people, one. thing. at. a. time.
That brings me to the reason we are all gathered together today, and it is not marriage. You guessed it, we are talking about messes. I have struggled so much as a mom trying to find the balance between "Touch anything, and you die," and "Sure kids, put the toothpaste all over the counter instead of a 'pea-size' on your toothbrush." Finding a system that doesn't enslave us, but serves us is a difficult ongoing challenge.
A couple of weeks ago, I revamped our whole chore system for the summertime. The system is based on two new family mottos:
I didn't want the kids to feel like their chores are unclear, unfair, or unending. I do, however, want them to learn to be respectful, responsible, and capable human beings. I also want it to be EXTREMELY clear that I am NOT their MAID!!!
The focus on progress before perfection takes a little bit of pressure off. It makes the system doable. It allows children to be children. It allows learning and grace. Things are not perfect, but they are good, and they can get better. My children are not perfect, but they are GOOD, and when we focus on all the imperfections, we miss out on all the treasures that are right in front of our eyes. We can progress over time and sometimes "good enough" really is good enough!
There are two purposes for the second statement. First, take pleasure in a job well done! Look around when you are done with your job, and see how much better it looks. This gives a feeling of satisfaction. It's a reward in-and-of itself. Second, seriously, if you "did" your job, and it doesn't look better than when you started, then you did NOT do your job. I got tired of looking around when all the chores were "done" and thinking, "How is it still such a mess??"
So, we started a new chore system. Each girl (except the baby) has a ring with laminated chore cards for every day of the week. Each card has their to-do list for the day. They rotate through breakfast duty, lunch duty, and dinner duty. I want them to learn how to cook! They rotate through a house chore (front room, computer room, downstairs, or animals), and they rotate through kitchen jobs. They each have to work on their rooms for 10 minutes a day (not till "done," just for 10 minutes). Reading, personal pets, brushing teeth, math, and mindful movement are also on their cards. My girls have liked the system because they know what to expect and are not stuck with the same kitchen job or house job for days on end.
I check chores before they play or get to do certain activities. However, we are flexible. Last Tuesday, we enjoyed a day at the zoo with friends and family. No one did chores that day. On Wednesday, we just started on the Wednesday card and didn't even worry about Tuesday! The cousins are here this week, so who knows what will happen, but that's ok.We'll pick back up sometime!
Whatever chore system you choose, make sure it is simple and sustainable. Your systems are there to serve you, not the other way around!
Remember: Progress before perfection!!
Good luck!
Much Love,
Heather
I'm still alive! I haven't written for a while. I've been busy living life and being the mom to 5 BEAUTIFUL girls! I only post when I feel like I have something worthwhile to say and when I feel like it could possibly be helpful to others, and this is something I've been thinking about for a while.
Summer is in full swing here, and the messes are flying as all the girls are home all day. Hats off to my homeschooling friends!! I think you are saints. I love having my girls home, and I love the freedom of the schedule, but three things are a little difficult: 1) the food, 2) the fights, and 3) the messes. I can't be the only mom with these problems, am I right?
Whoever said that boys will eat you out of house and home did not try to keep my girls fed. Maybe it switches when they hit adolescence and then the boys take the food consumption lead? I don't know. Anyway, keeping food in the house is a task for sure. I'm not really going to tackle that problem in this post, but felt it should get honorable mention.
The girls constantly being in each other's space also creates a problem. The arguing, the fighting, the pinching, the scratching, the hitting, and yes, sometimes even the spitting. Not. Good. Thank goodness they also play really well together most of the time. Once again, I'm not tackling this issue, so sorry if you got your hopes up. One thing at a time, people, one. thing. at. a. time.
That brings me to the reason we are all gathered together today, and it is not marriage. You guessed it, we are talking about messes. I have struggled so much as a mom trying to find the balance between "Touch anything, and you die," and "Sure kids, put the toothpaste all over the counter instead of a 'pea-size' on your toothbrush." Finding a system that doesn't enslave us, but serves us is a difficult ongoing challenge.
A couple of weeks ago, I revamped our whole chore system for the summertime. The system is based on two new family mottos:
1) Progress before perfection.
2)Does it look better when you're finished than when you started?
I didn't want the kids to feel like their chores are unclear, unfair, or unending. I do, however, want them to learn to be respectful, responsible, and capable human beings. I also want it to be EXTREMELY clear that I am NOT their MAID!!!
The focus on progress before perfection takes a little bit of pressure off. It makes the system doable. It allows children to be children. It allows learning and grace. Things are not perfect, but they are good, and they can get better. My children are not perfect, but they are GOOD, and when we focus on all the imperfections, we miss out on all the treasures that are right in front of our eyes. We can progress over time and sometimes "good enough" really is good enough!
There are two purposes for the second statement. First, take pleasure in a job well done! Look around when you are done with your job, and see how much better it looks. This gives a feeling of satisfaction. It's a reward in-and-of itself. Second, seriously, if you "did" your job, and it doesn't look better than when you started, then you did NOT do your job. I got tired of looking around when all the chores were "done" and thinking, "How is it still such a mess??"
So, we started a new chore system. Each girl (except the baby) has a ring with laminated chore cards for every day of the week. Each card has their to-do list for the day. They rotate through breakfast duty, lunch duty, and dinner duty. I want them to learn how to cook! They rotate through a house chore (front room, computer room, downstairs, or animals), and they rotate through kitchen jobs. They each have to work on their rooms for 10 minutes a day (not till "done," just for 10 minutes). Reading, personal pets, brushing teeth, math, and mindful movement are also on their cards. My girls have liked the system because they know what to expect and are not stuck with the same kitchen job or house job for days on end.
I check chores before they play or get to do certain activities. However, we are flexible. Last Tuesday, we enjoyed a day at the zoo with friends and family. No one did chores that day. On Wednesday, we just started on the Wednesday card and didn't even worry about Tuesday! The cousins are here this week, so who knows what will happen, but that's ok.We'll pick back up sometime!
Whatever chore system you choose, make sure it is simple and sustainable. Your systems are there to serve you, not the other way around!
Remember: Progress before perfection!!
Good luck!
Much Love,
Heather
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Boundaries
It is not my job to define another person based on his/her attitudes, actions, or beliefs. It is my job to define and discover who I am and what/who I will or will not allow into my space and allow you to do the same.
My life is my story. My story is unique and individual. God has a specific and loving plan for me. He has the same for you.
Allow me to be different than you. Allow me to feel differently. Allow me to have separate opinions, tastes, ideas, looks, dreams... Allow me to believe something contrary to what you believe without thinking that my belief includes a judgment of you. Allow me to have the space to grow and learn. Do not allow me to over-run your boundaries. I will try to do the same for you.
In my own life and in today's society, I see such a problem with boundaries. Our lives would all be so much better if we could just take responsibility for that which is ours to be responsible for and if others would do the same.
One of my all-time favorite books is Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. Let me share some great boundary quotes with you!
"Our attitudes and beliefs are our responsibility, not someone else's. Other people's attitudes and beliefs are their responsibility, not ours."
"There are certainly things in life over which we have no control, but we always have a choice about how well we will respond to these things. Our choices determine our direction in life, but if we do not own this fact, we don't know where we are going, and we resent where we end up as if it were someone else's fault."
"Love cannot exist without freedom, and freedom cannot exist without responsibility....Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away."
"We all must be longsuffering and forgiving in relationships, but, at some point, longsuffering enables evil behavior to continue, and limits must be set."
I hope we can all more clearly define who we are and what we stand for without squashing others!!
Much Love ----
Heather
My life is my story. My story is unique and individual. God has a specific and loving plan for me. He has the same for you.
Allow me to be different than you. Allow me to feel differently. Allow me to have separate opinions, tastes, ideas, looks, dreams... Allow me to believe something contrary to what you believe without thinking that my belief includes a judgment of you. Allow me to have the space to grow and learn. Do not allow me to over-run your boundaries. I will try to do the same for you.
In my own life and in today's society, I see such a problem with boundaries. Our lives would all be so much better if we could just take responsibility for that which is ours to be responsible for and if others would do the same.
One of my all-time favorite books is Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. Let me share some great boundary quotes with you!
"Our attitudes and beliefs are our responsibility, not someone else's. Other people's attitudes and beliefs are their responsibility, not ours."
"There are certainly things in life over which we have no control, but we always have a choice about how well we will respond to these things. Our choices determine our direction in life, but if we do not own this fact, we don't know where we are going, and we resent where we end up as if it were someone else's fault."
"Love cannot exist without freedom, and freedom cannot exist without responsibility....Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away."
"We all must be longsuffering and forgiving in relationships, but, at some point, longsuffering enables evil behavior to continue, and limits must be set."
I hope we can all more clearly define who we are and what we stand for without squashing others!!
Much Love ----
Heather
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Lessons from Motherhood
The lessons I've learned as a mother will never grow old, even when my babies do. Motherhood has not been exactly what I expected. With motherhood I have experienced the deepest worry, the hardest trials, the greatest inadequacies, and the darkest sorrows. Before I had kids, I was pretty sure that I had it all together. Now I know that I don't. But, with motherhood I've also experienced the sweetest amazement, the grandest love, unforgettable moments, God's hand, and a greater plan. I've been reflecting on what I've learned through motherhood since Mother's Day is tomorrow. Here are some of my top lessons:
1.God loves me more than I ever imagined. If I love my children with every fiber of my being and to infinity and beyond, then how much more does He love me? I am His child, and He loves with a perfect love.
2. Appreciate what I have right now. This is a lesson I have to remind myself of often. Sometimes I forget to just appreciate where I'm at right now and who I'm with. I forget to stop trying to fix my kids all the time and just appreciate them for the wonderful girls that they are! As moms we must stop comparing. It steals our joy and undermine's the gifts we've been given. I am so blessed. I need to remember that!
3. Let go and hold on! People will tell us a million plus things that we "should" be doing as mothers: how we should walk, talk, think, dress, feed our kids, keep our houses, socialize, shop, eat, watch tv (or not watch tv), sunscreen our kids, take care of teeth, etc. The list is seriously endless and can be overwhelming. I've learned that I am happiest when I let all that go. There are so many ways to do things right and so many ways to do them wrong. I have to often narrow it all down until it's just me and God, and I ask Him what I should do and what I should listen to, and then I try to hold on to that. Hold on for dear life! He will not lead me astray. He knows me; He knows my kids; He knows my limits and my gifts; and He will guide me along the path of Motherhood that I was meant for. My own individual path.
4. It's not all about me. I mean nothing teaches you that like pregnancy, am I right? LOL Your body isn't even yours anymore! What you eat and drink no longer affect just you. Your stress levels can affect the health of your baby. Your life is not your own any more. And, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It is a miracle. But, it can also be a hard thing. Every decision that you make from that moment forward include thoughts of your children and their welfare.
5. Some things should be about me. I really want to be a good example to my kids. Do I fail often and in many ways? Yes. But, I hope that my girls will learn to take care of themselves, that they will always know that they matter. I hope that they keep what makes them uniquely them. The world needs them! I want them to be happy. I want them to contribute to the world, and that means that I need to take care of me. I need to keep what makes me uniquely me! I feel like I lost myself in early motherhood. I didn't even know who I was, and I didn't even know how to exist outside my children. What kind of example is that to my girls? Taking care of me helps me take care of them! It's not selfish; it's essential. My girls deserve a generally happy mom. They deserve the best version of myself more often than the crushed and depleted version of me. So, I should take care of myself; I should focus on me sometimes!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! May we learn and grow in our own experiences!
Much Love ~
The Baum Mom
1.God loves me more than I ever imagined. If I love my children with every fiber of my being and to infinity and beyond, then how much more does He love me? I am His child, and He loves with a perfect love.
2. Appreciate what I have right now. This is a lesson I have to remind myself of often. Sometimes I forget to just appreciate where I'm at right now and who I'm with. I forget to stop trying to fix my kids all the time and just appreciate them for the wonderful girls that they are! As moms we must stop comparing. It steals our joy and undermine's the gifts we've been given. I am so blessed. I need to remember that!
3. Let go and hold on! People will tell us a million plus things that we "should" be doing as mothers: how we should walk, talk, think, dress, feed our kids, keep our houses, socialize, shop, eat, watch tv (or not watch tv), sunscreen our kids, take care of teeth, etc. The list is seriously endless and can be overwhelming. I've learned that I am happiest when I let all that go. There are so many ways to do things right and so many ways to do them wrong. I have to often narrow it all down until it's just me and God, and I ask Him what I should do and what I should listen to, and then I try to hold on to that. Hold on for dear life! He will not lead me astray. He knows me; He knows my kids; He knows my limits and my gifts; and He will guide me along the path of Motherhood that I was meant for. My own individual path.
4. It's not all about me. I mean nothing teaches you that like pregnancy, am I right? LOL Your body isn't even yours anymore! What you eat and drink no longer affect just you. Your stress levels can affect the health of your baby. Your life is not your own any more. And, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It is a miracle. But, it can also be a hard thing. Every decision that you make from that moment forward include thoughts of your children and their welfare.
5. Some things should be about me. I really want to be a good example to my kids. Do I fail often and in many ways? Yes. But, I hope that my girls will learn to take care of themselves, that they will always know that they matter. I hope that they keep what makes them uniquely them. The world needs them! I want them to be happy. I want them to contribute to the world, and that means that I need to take care of me. I need to keep what makes me uniquely me! I feel like I lost myself in early motherhood. I didn't even know who I was, and I didn't even know how to exist outside my children. What kind of example is that to my girls? Taking care of me helps me take care of them! It's not selfish; it's essential. My girls deserve a generally happy mom. They deserve the best version of myself more often than the crushed and depleted version of me. So, I should take care of myself; I should focus on me sometimes!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! May we learn and grow in our own experiences!
Much Love ~
The Baum Mom
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