The Language of Love

I love this too much not to share!!!  "Parents love their children, but the reality is that not all children feel loved...There is a huge difference between loving children and children feeling love."



Do you ever feel like you are just missing the mark?  Do you feel like you are giving love, but it's just not being received in the way you would like?



I love this video about the 5 love languages in children, and I think it is so important!  When children feel loved and secure, they are less likely to act out and misbehave (of course they still do, but the frequency still goes down).



I am trying to send the right love messages to my children.  It's a process, but it's amazing how they SOAK it up!!



Good luck parents!



Much Love -

Heather

Sacrament and Sacrifice

Tomorrow is the Sabbath, and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will get the privilege and opportunity to partake of the Sacrament once again.  As a mother with small children, it is often hard to feel like I'm really in tune with the Spirit during the Sacrament or that I'm really getting out of the Sacrament what I need.  I recently learned a valuable lesson that has helped me make the Sacrament more meaningful.

Before Christ, covenant people participated in the law of sacrifice, which included sacrificing animals.  After Christ's death, this practice was done away with and the Sacrament was instituted by Christ himself.  "The death of Jesus Christ...ended the shedding of blood as a gospel ordinance. It is now replaced in the Church by the sacrament of the bread and the water, in remembrance of the offering of Jesus Christ." (Bible Dictionary: Sacrifice).  

Now, I had previously realized that the act of sacrificing animals ended with the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  What I did NOT realize is that the sacrament REPLACED that ancient act.  The sacrament is like a sacrificial altar.  I had never thought of the sacrament table as an altar!  So, what are we supposed to sacrifice?  

Elder Lynn G. Robbins in the Notes at the end of his talk, "The Righteous Judge" said, "The sacrifice we offer on the altar of the sacrament table each week is a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  A broken heart is a repentant heart; a contrite spirit is an obedient spirit."

When we have a repentant heart, we turn away from sin (give sin up) and turn to God.  So, you can say that we need to sacrifice our sins.  Elder Robbins said, "An unwillingness to sacrifice as part of our penitence mocks or belittles Christ's greater sacrifice for the same sin and trivializes His suffering - a callous sign of ingratitude."  

As I continued to read in the conference Ensign, I came upon the talk "The Doctrine of Christ" by Brian K. Ashton.  He said, "Make a conscious effort each week to prepare for the sacrament by taking some time to prayerfully consider where we most need to improve.  We could then bring a sacrifice of at least one thing that keeps us from being like Jesus Christ to the sacrament altar, pleading in faith for help, asking for necessary spiritual gifts, and covenanting to improve during the coming week."  In the notes he said, "One might frequently bring the same sacrifice for weeks at a time until, with the help of the Savior, and as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, 'it [is] consumed'."  A friend of mine  pointed out that it is interesting that "consumed" is the word here.  Parts of the ancient sacrifices were "consumed" or eaten.  Also, we "consume" the bread and water of the sacrament.  How fitting that through the Atonement of Christ our sins and weaknesses can be consumed!

I decided to try this out last week, on Fast Sunday.  As I took the sacrament, I envisioned that sacred table as an altar.  In my mind, I laid down a particular sin or weakness on the altar.  I imagined giving it over to the Savior, and I asked that Heavenly Father would replace that with the good that would bring me closer to the Savior in that particular area.

Throughout the week, I have found that this prayer has been answered, and I have had the opportunity to do better in certain circumstances!  I may have to "frequently bring the same sacrifice,"  but every improvement is to be celebrated!  He is so good to me!  His tender mercies show up so profoundly in my life!!

The sacrament could be different and more significant for us each week as we bring our individual sacrifices to the altar.  We sacrifice those things that are keeping us from becoming more like and coming closer to the Savior.  As we do this, His ultimate sacrifice is not trivialized in our lives, and we are blessed beyond measure!

The 3 C's to Avoid to Gain Greater Happiness

I was taught a timely lesson as a first year teacher, and I have never forgotten it.  I learned in an institute class to avoid three "C's."  Here they are!
Avoid
1. Comparing
2. Criticizing
3. Complaining

Found Here 

These three C's seem to show up at the darndest times, just when I think I have learned my lessons concerning them.  When they are present, joy and gratitude are not.  They make you question your worth and the worth of others.  It's best to try the Three C Elimination Diet!

Let's look at each culprit individually.

1.  Comparison

The ugly green-headed Comparison, who happens to be cousins with the green monster ~ Envy.  You'll usually find these two together.  They are quite the inseparable pair.  There is no room in a joyful life for these two. 

When we compare ourselves with others, we often focus on their strengths and somehow discount our own.  We focus on what they have that we don't.  We lose gratitude for what we already have and the strengths that we already possess somehow believing that we are lacking, flawed, missing out, or not enough.

On the flip side, you meet Comparison's other cousin, Pride.  When we start thinking we are better than others or that we have more than others and this becomes more important than others, we are on a very slippery slope indeed.

Heavenly Father did not send us to Earth to COMPETE with each other, He sent us to COMPLEMENT each other.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses that are individualized for our life path.  We were sent for different purposes.  Our gifts complement each other and can benefit all.  (By the way, if you are interested, you should look up the definitions of "complement" and "compliment" and notice the difference.)  We each have individual blessings and trials tailored to our learning and growth, and to help us become more like our Heavenly Father.  Of course these blessings and trials are going to look differently, because they are individualized!  We are each on a different path, so comparing what you've packed to go on a trip to the Arctic with things that someone else has packed to go to Arizona seems pretty silly, right?

Found Here 

2. Criticism  

To put it simply, if the choice is between criticism and kindness, always. choose. kindness.  You will find what you are looking for in life and in people, places, situations, etc.  If you choose to look for the bad, to blame, and find fault, it will be more than easy to do so.  But, if you choose to find the good, the positive, and things to be grateful for, you will also find it.  Guess which one leads to greater happiness?

There are enough harsh, unrighteous judgments (different than righteous judgment) out there.  There is enough negativity.  There is too much that tears individuals down, and not enough that builds them up.

Choose  to lift up, to show mercy, kindness, patience, long-suffering, support, friendship, LOVE.  Guess who has these attributes?  

Personal criticism is not good for the criticizer or the one being criticized.  It usually does not bring about positive change.  So, it's time to stop the negative criticism, the kind that does not come from the Spirit.

President Hinckley, known for his optimism, said, "Criticism, faultfinding, evil speaking-these are the sentiments of our day.... Everywhere is heard the insulting remark, the sarcastic comment, the verbal attack against the reputations of others. Sadly, these are too often the bases of our conversation. In our homes, wives cry and children break down emotionally under critical attacks from husbands and fathers. Criticism is the seed of divorce, and it  develops rebellion in our young. Sometimes it leads even to the destruction of individual  self-worth...

I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and problems of life, and enjoy  more fully  the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we concentrate on the positive. I  am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we halt the sounds of insult and  sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all  criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is  the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course of  action.

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that spreads through our  society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we   speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism   replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was   inclined to speak critically of people or events, my father would say: 'Pessimists do not   contribute, unbelievers do not create,  doubters do not achieve.'" (Find the full talk HERE.)

Found HERE

3. Complaining 

Ok, so I admit, complaining is in my extroverted nature.  It just comes naturally.  This does not mean that I have no control over the complaints that seem to spill out of my mouth.  It does mean that I have to work harder to keep complaints in check. 

I will say that I truly believe there is a difference between venting, working through negative emotions and situations by talking about it, and just complaining.  We need to be able to voice our emotions in a healthy way.  Emotions not dealt with tend to show up over and over again in so many different areas of our lives.  Stuffing them deep down inside is destructive.  So, we do need to find healthy, CONSTRUCTIVE ways to deal with negative emotions.

The difference between constructive, healthy release of emotion and plain old complaining to me is this:  one leads to solutions; the other leads no where.  The difference is where you set up camp.  Do you set up camp in the Cavern of Complaint, where the darkness creeps in and all  you can see are your problems and yourself as a victim?  Or do you set up camp on Solution Slope, where you are working to overcome your problems and seeking to be proactive and empowered?  Here you are climbing to higher planes.  You may rest a bit, cry a bit, have a tantrum or two, but you don't stay there.  You keep moving up; you find solutions; you get out of victim mode!   

So, there you have it folks.  The 3 C's to avoid.  May the Lord help us with our Three C Elimination Diet!  We will lose the weight of some depression, self-depreciation, and negativism.  We will gain positive relationship muscles that will improve our relationships with others, ourselves, and God.

May God continually bless you on your personal journey!

Much love, as always!🎔

Heather