Lessons from Motherhood

The lessons I've learned as a mother will never grow old, even when my babies do.  Motherhood has not been exactly what I expected.  With motherhood I have experienced the deepest worry, the hardest trials, the greatest inadequacies, and the darkest sorrows.  Before I had kids, I was pretty sure that I had it all together.  Now I know that I don't.  But, with motherhood I've also experienced the sweetest amazement, the grandest love, unforgettable moments, God's hand, and a greater plan.  I've been reflecting on what I've learned through motherhood since Mother's Day is tomorrow.  Here are some of my top lessons:

1.God loves me more than I ever imagined.  If I love my children with every fiber of my being and to infinity and beyond, then how much more does He love me?  I am His child, and He loves with a perfect love.

2. Appreciate what I have right now.  This is a lesson I have to remind myself of often.  Sometimes I forget to just appreciate where I'm at right now and who I'm with.  I forget to stop trying to fix my kids all the time and just appreciate them for the wonderful girls that they are!   As moms we must stop comparing.  It steals our joy and undermine's the gifts we've been given.  I am so blessed.  I need to remember that!

3. Let go and hold on!  People will tell us a million plus things that we "should" be doing as mothers:  how we should walk, talk, think, dress, feed our kids, keep our houses, socialize, shop, eat, watch tv (or not watch tv), sunscreen our kids, take care of teeth, etc.  The list is seriously endless and can be overwhelming.  I've learned that I am happiest when I let all that go.  There are so many ways to do things right and so many ways to do them wrong.  I have to often narrow it all down until it's just me and God, and I ask Him what I should do and what I should listen to, and then I try to hold on to that.  Hold on for dear life!  He will not lead me astray.  He knows me; He knows my kids; He knows my limits and my gifts; and He will guide me along the path of Motherhood that I was meant for.  My own individual path.  

4.  It's not all about me.  I mean nothing teaches you that like pregnancy, am I right?  LOL Your body isn't even yours anymore!  What you eat and drink no longer affect just you.  Your stress levels can affect the health of your baby.  Your life is not your own any more.  And, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing.  It is a miracle.  But, it can also be a hard thing.  Every decision that you make from that moment forward include thoughts of your children and their welfare.


5. Some things should be about me.  I really want to be a good example to my kids.  Do I fail often and in many ways?  Yes.  But, I hope that my girls will learn to take care of themselves, that they will always know that they matter.  I hope that they keep what makes them uniquely them.  The world needs them!  I want them to be happy.  I want them to contribute to the world, and that means that I need to take care of me.  I need to keep what makes me uniquely me!  I feel like I lost myself in early motherhood.   I didn't even know who I was, and I didn't even know how to exist outside my children.  What kind of example is that to my girls?  Taking care of me helps me take care of them!  It's not selfish; it's essential.  My girls deserve a generally happy mom.  They deserve the best version of myself more often than the crushed and depleted version of me.  So, I should take care of myself; I should focus on me sometimes!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!  May we learn and grow in our own experiences!

Much Love ~
The Baum Mom

The Routine: Anxiety Part 3

I feel an urgency to write these posts about anxiety.  I feel like there is someone that needs them now!  If that someone is you, please know that God is aware of you.  He loves you!  He wants you to find peace and love and JOY in your life.  You are more than your anxiety or depression or any disability.  You are a child of God.  You are unique, and you are a gift to the world.  Do not let Satan use something like anxiety to make you feel less of a person or feel like you have less of a purpose than anyone else around you!  You matter!  You are loved!  And THAT is the truth!  Not those lies that Satan would have you believe about yourself!

Today, I would like to talk about the importance of having a healthy routine and also the caution of having too rigid of a routine.

The routines you have in place should serve you, not the other way around.  Be careful not to become a slave to your routine.  The routine should be flexible and allow for trial and error.

I still don't have this time down perfectly.  I have been working for YEARS on trying to get good, balanced routines set up in my life.  At first I tried to have a strict routine.  That kind of took over and caused me great anxiety and feelings of guilt any time that I got off routine or something happened to mess my routine up.  The routines and schedules became more important than the people in my life and what was best for them.  Don't worry, this didn't last long.  I didn't have the energy to keep up with that level of perfectionism anyway!

Then, I said, "To heck with it!  I can't be this uptight person that can't even allow a little joy in because my schedule or routine is not perfect!"  So, I did the "all-or-none" thing and threw my hands up in the air and didn't really have a routine.  Well, guess what?  The chaos and mess and never knowing what was happening made me feel anxiety and feelings of guilt, too!

So, the answer lies somewhere in between.  It lies in flexible routines that serve you and increase your peace and happiness.  Your routine should be something that fits you and your lifestyle.  It should be set with prayer.  If it doesn't work out, tweak it!  DON'T FORGET THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES!!!

I recently read a great article that really reinforced the power of positive routines.  It helped me to renew my efforts.  Kim Duncan is the Vice President of "3 Key Elements."  She and her husband, Kirk Duncan, have become very successful.  She shared her morning and evening routines that have helped to transform her life.  You can find the article here .

Here are some things that have worked for me!

*Set a sleep schedule.  I try to go to bed by 10 pm and get up at 6 am.  There are days that this doesn't happen.  In fact it didn't happen today!  I was up with a puking child last night, so I decided to sleep until 7.  See, it's ok to go off routine when needed!

I started the sleep schedule thing as part of a health challenge, and I really found that having the right amount and quality of sleep is HUGE for me and my anxiety levels.  There has been TONS of research done on the importance of sleep.  But, I'll just leave it at: SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!

*Take time each day to pray and read the scriptures.

*Include enjoyable physical activity.  I personally love yoga for helping with anxiety.  It helps me to stay more present and aware of myself.

*Practice breathing techniques. 

*Don't go overboard with items on a to-do list.  Narrow your to-do list down to the top priorities.  Just looking at a huge list can be overwhelming.  A few things on a list that you know you can accomplish will help to keep you on track!

*Include things in your routine that you ENJOY!  I'm a very social person, so I schedule times throughout my week to be with people.  I also try to read something everyday just because I love to learn and read.

I love going to the lake and laying on a blanket under the trees!  

*Start by adding one or two healthy habits a day.  It can be so overwhelming (especially for someone with anxiety) to try to do a whole overhaul of life at one time.  Pray to be able to prioritize and start small with what you feel the Spirit telling you to do.

*Stay PRESENT.  Enjoy what you already have.

Sometimes we miss out on the beautiful, amazing things that we have already been blessed with because we are anxious about everything else.  Take time to enjoy what you have NOW!  

I know the Lord will bless all of us as we strive to improve our lives one step at a time!

May the Lord continually bless you!

Much Love-
Heather

The Trigger: Anxiety Part 2

Why am I anxious over little, silly things?  I feel anxious about things that don't matter, things that shouldn't cause anyone anxiety!  But, I'm anxious just the same.   I want to share with you something that I realized or read or heard along the way (who knows at this point).

When we feel anxiety, sometimes it is the body's way of distracting itself from REAL issues.  Something will trigger the anxiety response within me (often without me even realizing it).  I start feeling a general feeling of anxiety, and I feel anxious over trivial things.  I sit and worry about this and worry about that to the point that I'm practically paralyzed.  

It's important to recognize the UNDERLYING causes or the REAL issues that we truly do need to deal with and pay attention to to be able to bring us back into a state of balance.  This can be an uncomfortable process because in reality there is a reason I don't want to deal with the issue that needs to be dealt with...IT'S PAINFUL!

Let me share a recent experience to help illustrate what I'm talking about.  Lately, I've been really feeling anxious.  I have felt less excited to start the day, more tired, more worried and overwhelmed about every day things... I put off things that would not normally be a big deal to do.

I tried to think about what I had been eating (we'll talk about DIET on a different post).  When that didn't seem to be the main culprit, I had to dig deeper.  You see, this can be a little tricky because the anxiety does a great job of distracting and creates so much noise that I can't think straight.  Sometimes I just "check out" mentally to not have to deal with it all, and then I can't even tell what I am feeling any more!  Getting to the bottom of things requires checking in and observing.  For me, it involves prayer and meditation.  It involves grounding and truly listening to my body and to myself!

As I slowed down enough and really asked myself what is going on, I found the actual culprit to this latest "anxiety spell."  It was something that I thought I had dealt with already.

 Almost one year ago, my youngest daughter was badly burned by a marshmallow roasting stick.  She was burned on May 13 (stupid Friday the 13th).  The next day was my second youngest daughter's birthday party.  We had invited like 20 or more kids, and I didn't even have a way to contact all the parents if we were going to cancel.  My youngest was still at the hospital (about to be released), and I was running on very little sleep.  We decided to still hold the party to keep things as normal as possible for our other children.

May 13, 2016:  This still triggers anxiety at different times.

It was the hardest party that I have ever had to get through.  Thank goodness I have amazing friends who helped me set up and helped things keep running.  I was frazzled.  I don't even know how I got through that day.  I just wanted to cry or throw up or crawl in a hole.  I didn't want to be throwing a party (even though I dearly love my second youngest daughter and wanted her to have a  good day).

Thanks to friends, we still had a great party...I think...it's still kind of a blur!

So guess what time of year it is again?  Birthday party planning time.  All these feelings of panic and anxiety resurfaced, and I was actually surprised because I truly thought I was past this!  I didn't expect a birthday party to trigger all that trauma.  Once I recognized the problem, I could deal directly with the problem instead of flitting around in an anxious flutter!

Recognition is a very important step.  It directs your energies in the right direction and can allow you to then acknowledge feelings that you have, express them in a healthy way if necessary, let them go (there are many different techniques to do this), or take action to correct the problem.

This has been huge to help me get through those times when my anxiety is flaring.  I can actually say that I'm even getting excited about the upcoming party!  I do love parties after all!  

Much Love -
Heather 

The Closet: Anxiety Part 1

The closet.  That's where I go when a panic attack escalates.  But, sometimes it's not enough to just go in the closet, turn off the lights, and shut the door.  I have to go into the corner behind the clothes and make myself as small as possible.  I curl into a ball and bury my face into my knees.  I cover my ears and try to breathe.  But, it's hard to catch my breath.  It's hard to breathe at all.  The slightest noise or touch or light might be too much for me to handle.  I sit there in the dark, blocking all stimulus,  and I pray.  I pray to be able to deal with my life.  Sometimes the anxiety is so overwhelming that all I can put into words is, "Help me." I say it over and over and over again.  

Anxiety is not rational.  When you suffer with anxiety, you don't get to pick what you have anxiety over.  I literally have had anxiety over the space between my front teeth, parking a car, driving stick shift, dentist and doctor's appointments, my kids' homework assignments, the dishes, brushing my teeth, the possibility of losing the diamonds in my wedding ring (to the point that I stopped wearing it...I said I didn't want to scratch anyone when I wore it, and that is true, but I couldn't handle having to count the diamonds over and over), and the list goes on.  So, why am I sharing something so personal (and, yes, even a little embarrassing)?  I have two reasons:  1)  I'm hoping that it will be therapeutic for me, and 2) I hope it will help others that may struggle with something similar.   I hoping that typing this and sharing what I have learned from anxiety and how to deal with it will be helpful for somebody, maybe even you!

I am happy to say that my dates with the closet really have become fewer and farther in between.  Over time, I have learned strategies and lifestyle changes that have really helped.  Because this has been something that I've  been working on for a long time, I will be typing a series of posts about it.  This is just the first installment!  

Before I get too far into this topic, I have to say that I am not an expert.  I'm not diagnosing or prescribing anything to anyone.  I prefer to treat myself naturally, but you need to do what is right for you and that may mean medication or professional help.  That's between you and the Lord.  I'm just sharing my experience and what has helped me. 

I truly believe that there are two parts to anxiety.  One part is mental/emotional and has to do with our thought patterns, experiences, etc. The other part is chemical.  It happens when there is an imbalance of some sort in your body.   That's when it is just as biological as it is psychological.  

For me, these two different parts of anxiety must be dealt with differently, but both must be addressed.  So, I will be sharing techniques over the next several blog posts that have helped me in these areas.

Today, I just want to say that if you struggle with anxiety, you are not alone.  The Lord is aware of you, and He will guide you in ways to better be able to shoulder your burden.  Ask Him what you should do, and He will answer.  The answers will come line upon line.  You will need to do things step by step, but the Lord will help you.  So, that is my first step to recovery...Pray!

Until next time....

Much love - 

Heather