Often, when I have tried to "attack" the house, I have felt overwhelmed and frustrated. Blaming statements start rumbling in my brain and spilling out my mouth. Cleaning and organizing seemed like a punishment for not doing enough, not being enough, for letting things pile up, for not being a good mom and teaching my children to *happily* do chores (that's a joke, haha). Not to mention the GUILT. I felt guilty for all these things. I felt guilty for not feeling well enough to do the things I wanted. Needless to say, in the past it has not been a pleasant emotional experience for me, so on many levels, I chose not to deal with it.
Sometimes, I watch Hoarders, understanding the emotional/mental illness that is the foundation of the problem. It makes me feel a little better about my situation. I feel badly that people live like that, but I feel grateful that the situation has not gotten that bad here! In that show, it is very evident that the "stuff" in the houses is not just about the "stuff," it is always about emotion! That's what makes it so hard to break through the barriers that stand in our way. The show also helps to motivate me to keep it from getting that bad! Please tell me I'm not the only one who relates!
Well, this time I'm doing things differently. I'm striving to come from a place of love and gratitude for my family and my home. A place of respect and empowerment. I'm trying to learn how to implement structure and routine that serve us, not us living to serve the structure and routine. I'm searching for the balance between structure and movement. I'm trying to be kind to myself and those around me. I'm celebrating each small step with a "woo hoo" and a little dance in my newly cleaned bathroom (that's a big deal y'all)! And. it. feels. GREAT! So, let me tell you, I am motivated to keep going! It no longer feels like punishment; it feels like accomplishment!
One question has helped me thus far in this process. This question is: Why? Why is the counter a gathering place for all sorts of paper mess? Then, I try to observe and listen instead of just turning off and running away (like I used to). The answer? It's inconvenient to file the papers because the filing cabinet is in disarray. Thus, I avoid filing the papers. So, what can I do to make it more convenient? Not everything has to be convenient, but we are more likely to do things that are! So, why not make it easier??? At some point in the near future, I will be tackling the filing system so that it serves me and my family better!
Instead of punishing, try to listen and work through blockages that present themselves. What a wonderful way to learn and grow! Often, it is hard to find the answers. So many times it's subconscious. We hardly know why we are reacting the way we are. We have spent so much time stuffing and running away from any emotion that we may label "negative" that we have become out of touch with ourselves! What a disservice!
So, ask yourself why? Why am I having a hard time feeling close to my husband? Why do I have a hard time tackling the bathroom? Why am I snapping at my children over small things? Why am I avoiding seeing a certain person? Why am I not going after such and such a dream? Be open to what shows up. Don't run away from the answers.
LISTEN. OBSERVE. PRAY for the answers and for understanding. Do not blame. Do not judge. Accept what is.
Next, realize that YOU HAVE CHOICES! We ALWAYS have CHOICES!! I am not a victim of my own mess, People! (No matter how many times I have felt that way.) This gives you EMPOWERMENT and helps you find SOLUTIONS to underlying problems, not just temporary band-aids for symptoms. Pray for answers! Pray to know what specific actions to take. Pray to recognize answers when they come. Remember it takes time, but we can change and improve our homes, our testimonies, our relationships, our lives "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little there a little..."
You got this!!! Just ask
*Note: This is not talking about that other why question that gets us trapped in nowhere land: WHY ME??? That doesn't get us anywhere. This is looking at the root problem, why things are the way they are and what we can do about it!*
Much Love 🖒
Heather
No comments:
Post a Comment