The Struggle is Real

I'm struggling...you heard me right...I'm down right STRUGGLING!  I'm working on the order of the house.  I'm trying to involve the kids.  But, seriously, sometimes it is easier to check out and not deal with things.  That's what I've done in the past...to a certain extent.  Now, I'm ready to check in.  I'm ready to deal with things.  And...it. is. HARD!  There are reasons that I checked out in certain areas of my life.  I need to choose the harder right over the easier wrong.  It's going to take strength beyond my own.
 
After all my hard work, a load of laundry is ruined (stupid purple glittler crayon), a half bottle of glass cleaner is spilled on the carpet ("I'm so sorry, Mom.  I won't do it again!"), dirty dishes cover the kitchen counters, and I feel defeated.  I feel frustrated.  I'm also trying to talk nicely, so instead of blowing up and yelling at the kids, I lock myself in my bedroom and cry.  A note gets passed through the crack in the locked door.

Translation:  "Mom, I'm sorry what I did."

Talk about break my heart!  What am I doing to my kids?  I open the door, give my sweet kid a hug and try to explain that Mommy's frustration is Mommy's frustration.  It's not because of her.  She doesn't have to own it, and she doesn't have to make it better.  That's not a six year old's job!  It is my job!  

Even though I feel weak (because I am), I also feel grateful to be able to release negative build up.  I've been praying to be able to change.  The change comes about line upon line.  It's little by little.  I also recognize that when we are on the brink of positive change, all heck seems to break loose.  This is not the time to give up.  It's like transition when you're having a baby...hahaha!  The hardest part is right before the miracle!  It means you're on the downhill slide!  You've heard about the calm before the storm?  Well, this is the storm before the calm.  So, I will hang in there.  I'll wait it out.  I won't give up at the first sign of struggle.  I will safely and in a healthy way release the guilt, shame, frustration, sadness, and other feelings that have kept me from being successful in this particular area.  I will hold on, and I will be grateful for the chance to work through emotions that are blocking my path to success.  And, I don't have to do it alone!

I have a wonderful support system....my family, my awesome friends, my wonderful kids, my husband (thank you!).  I also have the best foundation and the best support that anyone could find anywhere.  I have someone that can help me change.  I have someone that loves me unconditionally.  I have someone that can help my weakness become strength.  I have the Savior.  He atoned for me!  Through Him, I have the strength to put one foot in front of the other.  I have courage to try new things and face new changes.  It won't be perfect, but the Atonement happened!!!  So, I CAN DO HARD THINGS!  I might cry about it. haha.  But, it still counts.  I will fail not to continue!

Found HERE 

Much love to all who may struggle sometimes!

Heather