It is not my job to define another person based on his/her attitudes, actions, or beliefs. It is my job to define and discover who I am and what/who I will or will not allow into my space and allow you to do the same.
My life is my story. My story is unique and individual. God has a specific and loving plan for me. He has the same for you.
Allow me to be different than you. Allow me to feel differently. Allow me to have separate opinions, tastes, ideas, looks, dreams... Allow me to believe something contrary to what you believe without thinking that my belief includes a judgment of you. Allow me to have the space to grow and learn. Do not allow me to over-run your boundaries. I will try to do the same for you.
In my own life and in today's society, I see such a problem with boundaries. Our lives would all be so much better if we could just take responsibility for that which is ours to be responsible for and if others would do the same.
One of my all-time favorite books is Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. Let me share some great boundary quotes with you!
"Our attitudes and beliefs are our responsibility, not someone else's. Other people's attitudes and beliefs are their responsibility, not ours."
"There are certainly things in life over which we have no control, but we always have a choice about how well we will respond to these things. Our choices determine our direction in life, but if we do not own this fact, we don't know where we are going, and we resent where we end up as if it were someone else's fault."
"Love cannot exist without freedom, and freedom cannot exist without responsibility....Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away."
"We all must be longsuffering and forgiving in relationships, but, at some point, longsuffering enables evil behavior to continue, and limits must be set."
I hope we can all more clearly define who we are and what we stand for without squashing others!!
Much Love ----
Heather
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Lessons from Motherhood
The lessons I've learned as a mother will never grow old, even when my babies do. Motherhood has not been exactly what I expected. With motherhood I have experienced the deepest worry, the hardest trials, the greatest inadequacies, and the darkest sorrows. Before I had kids, I was pretty sure that I had it all together. Now I know that I don't. But, with motherhood I've also experienced the sweetest amazement, the grandest love, unforgettable moments, God's hand, and a greater plan. I've been reflecting on what I've learned through motherhood since Mother's Day is tomorrow. Here are some of my top lessons:
1.God loves me more than I ever imagined. If I love my children with every fiber of my being and to infinity and beyond, then how much more does He love me? I am His child, and He loves with a perfect love.
2. Appreciate what I have right now. This is a lesson I have to remind myself of often. Sometimes I forget to just appreciate where I'm at right now and who I'm with. I forget to stop trying to fix my kids all the time and just appreciate them for the wonderful girls that they are! As moms we must stop comparing. It steals our joy and undermine's the gifts we've been given. I am so blessed. I need to remember that!
3. Let go and hold on! People will tell us a million plus things that we "should" be doing as mothers: how we should walk, talk, think, dress, feed our kids, keep our houses, socialize, shop, eat, watch tv (or not watch tv), sunscreen our kids, take care of teeth, etc. The list is seriously endless and can be overwhelming. I've learned that I am happiest when I let all that go. There are so many ways to do things right and so many ways to do them wrong. I have to often narrow it all down until it's just me and God, and I ask Him what I should do and what I should listen to, and then I try to hold on to that. Hold on for dear life! He will not lead me astray. He knows me; He knows my kids; He knows my limits and my gifts; and He will guide me along the path of Motherhood that I was meant for. My own individual path.
4. It's not all about me. I mean nothing teaches you that like pregnancy, am I right? LOL Your body isn't even yours anymore! What you eat and drink no longer affect just you. Your stress levels can affect the health of your baby. Your life is not your own any more. And, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It is a miracle. But, it can also be a hard thing. Every decision that you make from that moment forward include thoughts of your children and their welfare.
5. Some things should be about me. I really want to be a good example to my kids. Do I fail often and in many ways? Yes. But, I hope that my girls will learn to take care of themselves, that they will always know that they matter. I hope that they keep what makes them uniquely them. The world needs them! I want them to be happy. I want them to contribute to the world, and that means that I need to take care of me. I need to keep what makes me uniquely me! I feel like I lost myself in early motherhood. I didn't even know who I was, and I didn't even know how to exist outside my children. What kind of example is that to my girls? Taking care of me helps me take care of them! It's not selfish; it's essential. My girls deserve a generally happy mom. They deserve the best version of myself more often than the crushed and depleted version of me. So, I should take care of myself; I should focus on me sometimes!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! May we learn and grow in our own experiences!
Much Love ~
The Baum Mom
1.God loves me more than I ever imagined. If I love my children with every fiber of my being and to infinity and beyond, then how much more does He love me? I am His child, and He loves with a perfect love.
2. Appreciate what I have right now. This is a lesson I have to remind myself of often. Sometimes I forget to just appreciate where I'm at right now and who I'm with. I forget to stop trying to fix my kids all the time and just appreciate them for the wonderful girls that they are! As moms we must stop comparing. It steals our joy and undermine's the gifts we've been given. I am so blessed. I need to remember that!
3. Let go and hold on! People will tell us a million plus things that we "should" be doing as mothers: how we should walk, talk, think, dress, feed our kids, keep our houses, socialize, shop, eat, watch tv (or not watch tv), sunscreen our kids, take care of teeth, etc. The list is seriously endless and can be overwhelming. I've learned that I am happiest when I let all that go. There are so many ways to do things right and so many ways to do them wrong. I have to often narrow it all down until it's just me and God, and I ask Him what I should do and what I should listen to, and then I try to hold on to that. Hold on for dear life! He will not lead me astray. He knows me; He knows my kids; He knows my limits and my gifts; and He will guide me along the path of Motherhood that I was meant for. My own individual path.
4. It's not all about me. I mean nothing teaches you that like pregnancy, am I right? LOL Your body isn't even yours anymore! What you eat and drink no longer affect just you. Your stress levels can affect the health of your baby. Your life is not your own any more. And, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It is a miracle. But, it can also be a hard thing. Every decision that you make from that moment forward include thoughts of your children and their welfare.
5. Some things should be about me. I really want to be a good example to my kids. Do I fail often and in many ways? Yes. But, I hope that my girls will learn to take care of themselves, that they will always know that they matter. I hope that they keep what makes them uniquely them. The world needs them! I want them to be happy. I want them to contribute to the world, and that means that I need to take care of me. I need to keep what makes me uniquely me! I feel like I lost myself in early motherhood. I didn't even know who I was, and I didn't even know how to exist outside my children. What kind of example is that to my girls? Taking care of me helps me take care of them! It's not selfish; it's essential. My girls deserve a generally happy mom. They deserve the best version of myself more often than the crushed and depleted version of me. So, I should take care of myself; I should focus on me sometimes!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! May we learn and grow in our own experiences!
Much Love ~
The Baum Mom
Friday, May 5, 2017
The Routine: Anxiety Part 3
I feel an urgency to write these posts about anxiety. I feel like there is someone that needs them now! If that someone is you, please know that God is aware of you. He loves you! He wants you to find peace and love and JOY in your life. You are more than your anxiety or depression or any disability. You are a child of God. You are unique, and you are a gift to the world. Do not let Satan use something like anxiety to make you feel less of a person or feel like you have less of a purpose than anyone else around you! You matter! You are loved! And THAT is the truth! Not those lies that Satan would have you believe about yourself!
Today, I would like to talk about the importance of having a healthy routine and also the caution of having too rigid of a routine.
The routines you have in place should serve you, not the other way around. Be careful not to become a slave to your routine. The routine should be flexible and allow for trial and error.
I still don't have this time down perfectly. I have been working for YEARS on trying to get good, balanced routines set up in my life. At first I tried to have a strict routine. That kind of took over and caused me great anxiety and feelings of guilt any time that I got off routine or something happened to mess my routine up. The routines and schedules became more important than the people in my life and what was best for them. Don't worry, this didn't last long. I didn't have the energy to keep up with that level of perfectionism anyway!
Then, I said, "To heck with it! I can't be this uptight person that can't even allow a little joy in because my schedule or routine is not perfect!" So, I did the "all-or-none" thing and threw my hands up in the air and didn't really have a routine. Well, guess what? The chaos and mess and never knowing what was happening made me feel anxiety and feelings of guilt, too!
So, the answer lies somewhere in between. It lies in flexible routines that serve you and increase your peace and happiness. Your routine should be something that fits you and your lifestyle. It should be set with prayer. If it doesn't work out, tweak it! DON'T FORGET THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES!!!
I recently read a great article that really reinforced the power of positive routines. It helped me to renew my efforts. Kim Duncan is the Vice President of "3 Key Elements." She and her husband, Kirk Duncan, have become very successful. She shared her morning and evening routines that have helped to transform her life. You can find the article here .
Here are some things that have worked for me!
*Set a sleep schedule. I try to go to bed by 10 pm and get up at 6 am. There are days that this doesn't happen. In fact it didn't happen today! I was up with a puking child last night, so I decided to sleep until 7. See, it's ok to go off routine when needed!
I started the sleep schedule thing as part of a health challenge, and I really found that having the right amount and quality of sleep is HUGE for me and my anxiety levels. There has been TONS of research done on the importance of sleep. But, I'll just leave it at: SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!
*Take time each day to pray and read the scriptures.
*Include enjoyable physical activity. I personally love yoga for helping with anxiety. It helps me to stay more present and aware of myself.
*Practice breathing techniques.
*Don't go overboard with items on a to-do list. Narrow your to-do list down to the top priorities. Just looking at a huge list can be overwhelming. A few things on a list that you know you can accomplish will help to keep you on track!
*Include things in your routine that you ENJOY! I'm a very social person, so I schedule times throughout my week to be with people. I also try to read something everyday just because I love to learn and read.
*Start by adding one or two healthy habits a day. It can be so overwhelming (especially for someone with anxiety) to try to do a whole overhaul of life at one time. Pray to be able to prioritize and start small with what you feel the Spirit telling you to do.
*Stay PRESENT. Enjoy what you already have.
I know the Lord will bless all of us as we strive to improve our lives one step at a time!
May the Lord continually bless you!
Much Love-
Heather
Today, I would like to talk about the importance of having a healthy routine and also the caution of having too rigid of a routine.
The routines you have in place should serve you, not the other way around. Be careful not to become a slave to your routine. The routine should be flexible and allow for trial and error.
I still don't have this time down perfectly. I have been working for YEARS on trying to get good, balanced routines set up in my life. At first I tried to have a strict routine. That kind of took over and caused me great anxiety and feelings of guilt any time that I got off routine or something happened to mess my routine up. The routines and schedules became more important than the people in my life and what was best for them. Don't worry, this didn't last long. I didn't have the energy to keep up with that level of perfectionism anyway!
Then, I said, "To heck with it! I can't be this uptight person that can't even allow a little joy in because my schedule or routine is not perfect!" So, I did the "all-or-none" thing and threw my hands up in the air and didn't really have a routine. Well, guess what? The chaos and mess and never knowing what was happening made me feel anxiety and feelings of guilt, too!
So, the answer lies somewhere in between. It lies in flexible routines that serve you and increase your peace and happiness. Your routine should be something that fits you and your lifestyle. It should be set with prayer. If it doesn't work out, tweak it! DON'T FORGET THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES!!!
I recently read a great article that really reinforced the power of positive routines. It helped me to renew my efforts. Kim Duncan is the Vice President of "3 Key Elements." She and her husband, Kirk Duncan, have become very successful. She shared her morning and evening routines that have helped to transform her life. You can find the article here .
Here are some things that have worked for me!
*Set a sleep schedule. I try to go to bed by 10 pm and get up at 6 am. There are days that this doesn't happen. In fact it didn't happen today! I was up with a puking child last night, so I decided to sleep until 7. See, it's ok to go off routine when needed!
I started the sleep schedule thing as part of a health challenge, and I really found that having the right amount and quality of sleep is HUGE for me and my anxiety levels. There has been TONS of research done on the importance of sleep. But, I'll just leave it at: SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!
*Take time each day to pray and read the scriptures.
*Include enjoyable physical activity. I personally love yoga for helping with anxiety. It helps me to stay more present and aware of myself.
*Practice breathing techniques.
*Don't go overboard with items on a to-do list. Narrow your to-do list down to the top priorities. Just looking at a huge list can be overwhelming. A few things on a list that you know you can accomplish will help to keep you on track!
*Include things in your routine that you ENJOY! I'm a very social person, so I schedule times throughout my week to be with people. I also try to read something everyday just because I love to learn and read.
 |
| I love going to the lake and laying on a blanket under the trees! |
*Start by adding one or two healthy habits a day. It can be so overwhelming (especially for someone with anxiety) to try to do a whole overhaul of life at one time. Pray to be able to prioritize and start small with what you feel the Spirit telling you to do.
*Stay PRESENT. Enjoy what you already have.
 |
| Sometimes we miss out on the beautiful, amazing things that we have already been blessed with because we are anxious about everything else. Take time to enjoy what you have NOW! |
May the Lord continually bless you!
Much Love-
Heather
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The Trigger: Anxiety Part 2
Why am I anxious over little, silly things? I feel anxious about things that don't matter, things that shouldn't cause anyone anxiety! But, I'm anxious just the same. I want to share with you something that I realized or read or heard along the way (who knows at this point).
When we feel anxiety, sometimes it is the body's way of distracting itself from REAL issues. Something will trigger the anxiety response within me (often without me even realizing it). I start feeling a general feeling of anxiety, and I feel anxious over trivial things. I sit and worry about this and worry about that to the point that I'm practically paralyzed.
It's important to recognize the UNDERLYING causes or the REAL issues that we truly do need to deal with and pay attention to to be able to bring us back into a state of balance. This can be an uncomfortable process because in reality there is a reason I don't want to deal with the issue that needs to be dealt with...IT'S PAINFUL!
Let me share a recent experience to help illustrate what I'm talking about. Lately, I've been really feeling anxious. I have felt less excited to start the day, more tired, more worried and overwhelmed about every day things... I put off things that would not normally be a big deal to do.
I tried to think about what I had been eating (we'll talk about DIET on a different post). When that didn't seem to be the main culprit, I had to dig deeper. You see, this can be a little tricky because the anxiety does a great job of distracting and creates so much noise that I can't think straight. Sometimes I just "check out" mentally to not have to deal with it all, and then I can't even tell what I am feeling any more! Getting to the bottom of things requires checking in and observing. For me, it involves prayer and meditation. It involves grounding and truly listening to my body and to myself!
As I slowed down enough and really asked myself what is going on, I found the actual culprit to this latest "anxiety spell." It was something that I thought I had dealt with already.
Almost one year ago, my youngest daughter was badly burned by a marshmallow roasting stick. She was burned on May 13 (stupid Friday the 13th). The next day was my second youngest daughter's birthday party. We had invited like 20 or more kids, and I didn't even have a way to contact all the parents if we were going to cancel. My youngest was still at the hospital (about to be released), and I was running on very little sleep. We decided to still hold the party to keep things as normal as possible for our other children.
It was the hardest party that I have ever had to get through. Thank goodness I have amazing friends who helped me set up and helped things keep running. I was frazzled. I don't even know how I got through that day. I just wanted to cry or throw up or crawl in a hole. I didn't want to be throwing a party (even though I dearly love my second youngest daughter and wanted her to have a good day).
So guess what time of year it is again? Birthday party planning time. All these feelings of panic and anxiety resurfaced, and I was actually surprised because I truly thought I was past this! I didn't expect a birthday party to trigger all that trauma. Once I recognized the problem, I could deal directly with the problem instead of flitting around in an anxious flutter!
Recognition is a very important step. It directs your energies in the right direction and can allow you to then acknowledge feelings that you have, express them in a healthy way if necessary, let them go (there are many different techniques to do this), or take action to correct the problem.
This has been huge to help me get through those times when my anxiety is flaring. I can actually say that I'm even getting excited about the upcoming party! I do love parties after all!
Much Love -
Heather
Let me share a recent experience to help illustrate what I'm talking about. Lately, I've been really feeling anxious. I have felt less excited to start the day, more tired, more worried and overwhelmed about every day things... I put off things that would not normally be a big deal to do.
I tried to think about what I had been eating (we'll talk about DIET on a different post). When that didn't seem to be the main culprit, I had to dig deeper. You see, this can be a little tricky because the anxiety does a great job of distracting and creates so much noise that I can't think straight. Sometimes I just "check out" mentally to not have to deal with it all, and then I can't even tell what I am feeling any more! Getting to the bottom of things requires checking in and observing. For me, it involves prayer and meditation. It involves grounding and truly listening to my body and to myself!
As I slowed down enough and really asked myself what is going on, I found the actual culprit to this latest "anxiety spell." It was something that I thought I had dealt with already.
Almost one year ago, my youngest daughter was badly burned by a marshmallow roasting stick. She was burned on May 13 (stupid Friday the 13th). The next day was my second youngest daughter's birthday party. We had invited like 20 or more kids, and I didn't even have a way to contact all the parents if we were going to cancel. My youngest was still at the hospital (about to be released), and I was running on very little sleep. We decided to still hold the party to keep things as normal as possible for our other children.
 |
| May 13, 2016: This still triggers anxiety at different times. |
It was the hardest party that I have ever had to get through. Thank goodness I have amazing friends who helped me set up and helped things keep running. I was frazzled. I don't even know how I got through that day. I just wanted to cry or throw up or crawl in a hole. I didn't want to be throwing a party (even though I dearly love my second youngest daughter and wanted her to have a good day).
 |
| Thanks to friends, we still had a great party...I think...it's still kind of a blur! |
So guess what time of year it is again? Birthday party planning time. All these feelings of panic and anxiety resurfaced, and I was actually surprised because I truly thought I was past this! I didn't expect a birthday party to trigger all that trauma. Once I recognized the problem, I could deal directly with the problem instead of flitting around in an anxious flutter!
Recognition is a very important step. It directs your energies in the right direction and can allow you to then acknowledge feelings that you have, express them in a healthy way if necessary, let them go (there are many different techniques to do this), or take action to correct the problem.
This has been huge to help me get through those times when my anxiety is flaring. I can actually say that I'm even getting excited about the upcoming party! I do love parties after all!
Much Love -
Heather
Monday, May 1, 2017
The Closet: Anxiety Part 1
The closet. That's where I go when a panic attack escalates. But, sometimes it's not enough to just go in the closet, turn off the lights, and shut the door. I have to go into the corner behind the clothes and make myself as small as possible. I curl into a ball and bury my face into my knees. I cover my ears and try to breathe. But, it's hard to catch my breath. It's hard to breathe at all. The slightest noise or touch or light might be too much for me to handle. I sit there in the dark, blocking all stimulus, and I pray. I pray to be able to deal with my life. Sometimes the anxiety is so overwhelming that all I can put into words is, "Help me." I say it over and over and over again.
Anxiety is not rational. When you suffer with anxiety, you don't get to pick what you have anxiety over. I literally have had anxiety over the space between my front teeth, parking a car, driving stick shift, dentist and doctor's appointments, my kids' homework assignments, the dishes, brushing my teeth, the possibility of losing the diamonds in my wedding ring (to the point that I stopped wearing it...I said I didn't want to scratch anyone when I wore it, and that is true, but I couldn't handle having to count the diamonds over and over), and the list goes on. So, why am I sharing something so personal (and, yes, even a little embarrassing)? I have two reasons: 1) I'm hoping that it will be therapeutic for me, and 2) I hope it will help others that may struggle with something similar. I hoping that typing this and sharing what I have learned from anxiety and how to deal with it will be helpful for somebody, maybe even you!
I am happy to say that my dates with the closet really have become fewer and farther in between. Over time, I have learned strategies and lifestyle changes that have really helped. Because this has been something that I've been working on for a long time, I will be typing a series of posts about it. This is just the first installment!
Before I get too far into this topic, I have to say that I am not an expert. I'm not diagnosing or prescribing anything to anyone. I prefer to treat myself naturally, but you need to do what is right for you and that may mean medication or professional help. That's between you and the Lord. I'm just sharing my experience and what has helped me.
I truly believe that there are two parts to anxiety. One part is mental/emotional and has to do with our thought patterns, experiences, etc. The other part is chemical. It happens when there is an imbalance of some sort in your body. That's when it is just as biological as it is psychological.
For me, these two different parts of anxiety must be dealt with differently, but both must be addressed. So, I will be sharing techniques over the next several blog posts that have helped me in these areas.
Today, I just want to say that if you struggle with anxiety, you are not alone. The Lord is aware of you, and He will guide you in ways to better be able to shoulder your burden. Ask Him what you should do, and He will answer. The answers will come line upon line. You will need to do things step by step, but the Lord will help you. So, that is my first step to recovery...Pray!
Until next time....
Much love -
Heather
Friday, April 7, 2017
The Parable of the Gold Coin
I had a significant dream almost seven years ago. I knew that someday, I would be asked to share this dream. Today is that day. I came across the dream in my journal, and the Spirit nudged me to share. I hope and pray that someone who needs it will read it. I have thought back on this dream many times, and I thank God for the knowledge that He gave to me through it.
The Parable of the Gold Coin
Treasure! I found myself in a group of people surrounding a treasure. We had somehow discovered gold coins in piles and in sacks stacked high. The room glittered with the golden glow of reflected light.
Greed flashed across the faces of the people surrounding the treasure. We gathered armfuls of coins, trying to get as much as we possibly could carry at one time. To our utter dismay, the coins crumbled to dust and blew away, worthless. Try as we might, the coins kept crumbling as we continued to take handfuls. What was the secret to keeping the treasure? What was the secret to keeping the gold coins from crumbling?
People split off and went in different directions seeking the answer. Some went abroad seeking the worldly views and opinions. All wanted to find the answer first so that he/she could get the most treasure and beat the others in a supposed competition.
The people kept coming returning to the treasure again and again, trying some of the ideas they had found. Some tried scooping the treasure with objects other than their hands, thinking that if they didn't touch the treasure it would remain intact. Others tried chants, trying out magic combinations of words that might unlock the secret. Yet, each time, the gold coins crumbled.
I stayed near the treasure; camping on the top bunk of a set of bunk beds. Oh, how I wanted that treasure! I had a few sacks around me. I reached my hand into a sack and brought out a handful, not of the gold coins that I sought, but of quarters, nickles, and dimes. I didn't want those! I wanted GOLD!!
Even as those thoughts entered my mind, the quarters, nickles, and dimes turned to sand, thus becoming useless. I had lost even what I thought I did not want.
I reached my hand into the sack again and pulled out a single quarter. How grateful I would be if even the single quarter would not crumble. Then, to my amazement, the quarter remained intact between my fingers!
That's when the answer hit me! The answer did not lie in worldly knowledge of finance and the the properties of gold. It did not lie in competition or getting more than another. The answer did not lie in magic chants.
The answer was of God and came from within. The answer was GRATITUDE! To be grateful for even the quarter when the gold coins were in sight. We must be grateful for where we are and what we have, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem compared to what others may have.
I then walked over to the piles of treasure and picked up a single gold coin. With gratitude in my heart, I marveled as the gold coin shone and did not not crumble.
We all had been trying to grab more than another person, more than we needed at the present time. We had been grabbing as much as we possibly could like hungry wolves trying to compete for a dead carcass. We had grabbed handfuls, scoopfuls, armfuls, but we never had tried to grab a single coin.
I looked at the piles of treasure and knew that I would have what I needed for the future. The Lord would provide, and for now, I was ok having a single, precious gold coin.
Conclusion
I won't tell you all the lessons and symbolism I have discovered in this parable. I will let you draw your own conclusions. I will end with some scriptures:
*Proverbs 15:6 - "In the house of the righteous is much treasure: but in the revenues of the wicked is trouble."
*Proverbs 10:2 - "Treasure of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death."
*Matthew 6:19-21 - "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also."
*Matthew 6:19-21 - "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also."
*Jacob 2:18-19 - "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the Kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good."
Much LOVE!
Heather
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
The Negative Spiral and the Positive Catalyst
Hello, My Friends!
It's been a long time since I last wrote. I hope that April is finding you happy and enjoying spring with all its rain, sun, wind, and sometimes snow...sometimes all in one day!
I would like to write about what I call the "negative spiral" and ways that I have found to flip that negative spiral around.
Negative begets negative begets negative begets negative...until we feel that we are drowning in a never-ending pessimistic spiral. D&C 6:33 reminds us: "Whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap." Are we planting seeds of contention, anger, frustration, worry, anxiety, etc.? If so, that is what we will reap.
One area that I'm often overcome by this negative spiral is in my parenting. Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning! I snap over little things ("WHY would you throw your wrapper on the floor???"). When I finally recognize what is going on, I then get to work to flip the situation.
What is needed is what I call a "POSITIVE CATALYST." An inciting incident that will change the direction of the spiral. You can't change a negative situation by adding negativity. It just doesn't work. It goes against the laws of life!
For example, sometimes I find myself so frustrated with a certain child of mine. I'm sad to say that I yell at her, take away privileges, take away more privileges because she didn't seem to respond to the first round, and on and on. She yells; she gets more angry; she has more destructive behavior. Until...
I stop.
I pray.
I let go of the anger and frustration (with the help of the prayer).
I try to think of an appropriate positive catalyst for the situation. Often, it's taking time to listen and observe what is really going on with the child. It's asking God how He would have me handle the situation. I might spend positive time with the child. Sometimes it's a hug. Sometimes it's watching a show while snuggling. Sometimes it's participating in an activity that the child enjoys. It involves focusing on ALL the positive things she does instead of the few things that she does wrong.
It always melts my heart when I realize that my child needs ME. She didn't need the isolation that was caused by my anger. She needed a hug. She needed love. This in no way means that we don't discipline our children, or we don't follow through with consequences. It means that we don't discipline out of anger or negativity, but out of love and a desire to teach correct principles. We discipline by the Spirit.
Imagine what a positive catalyst would look like in different situations. Marriage problems, work issues, conflict in friendships, negative self-talk, a calling you struggle to fulfill... Repentance is often needed. It is definitely a positive catalyst. Sincere prayer, scripture study, acts of service, positive affirmations, doing something you enjoy just because you enjoy it...all of these are positive catalysts. Let the Spirit guide you as you strive to flip the spiral to one of positivity and optimism.
As you flip the spiral, positive will beget positive. You will have room for solutions, peace, and joy.
D&C 6:33-36
It's been a long time since I last wrote. I hope that April is finding you happy and enjoying spring with all its rain, sun, wind, and sometimes snow...sometimes all in one day!
I would like to write about what I call the "negative spiral" and ways that I have found to flip that negative spiral around.
Negative begets negative begets negative begets negative...until we feel that we are drowning in a never-ending pessimistic spiral. D&C 6:33 reminds us: "Whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap." Are we planting seeds of contention, anger, frustration, worry, anxiety, etc.? If so, that is what we will reap.
One area that I'm often overcome by this negative spiral is in my parenting. Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning! I snap over little things ("WHY would you throw your wrapper on the floor???"). When I finally recognize what is going on, I then get to work to flip the situation.
What is needed is what I call a "POSITIVE CATALYST." An inciting incident that will change the direction of the spiral. You can't change a negative situation by adding negativity. It just doesn't work. It goes against the laws of life!
For example, sometimes I find myself so frustrated with a certain child of mine. I'm sad to say that I yell at her, take away privileges, take away more privileges because she didn't seem to respond to the first round, and on and on. She yells; she gets more angry; she has more destructive behavior. Until...
I stop.
I pray.
I let go of the anger and frustration (with the help of the prayer).
I try to think of an appropriate positive catalyst for the situation. Often, it's taking time to listen and observe what is really going on with the child. It's asking God how He would have me handle the situation. I might spend positive time with the child. Sometimes it's a hug. Sometimes it's watching a show while snuggling. Sometimes it's participating in an activity that the child enjoys. It involves focusing on ALL the positive things she does instead of the few things that she does wrong.
It always melts my heart when I realize that my child needs ME. She didn't need the isolation that was caused by my anger. She needed a hug. She needed love. This in no way means that we don't discipline our children, or we don't follow through with consequences. It means that we don't discipline out of anger or negativity, but out of love and a desire to teach correct principles. We discipline by the Spirit.
Imagine what a positive catalyst would look like in different situations. Marriage problems, work issues, conflict in friendships, negative self-talk, a calling you struggle to fulfill... Repentance is often needed. It is definitely a positive catalyst. Sincere prayer, scripture study, acts of service, positive affirmations, doing something you enjoy just because you enjoy it...all of these are positive catalysts. Let the Spirit guide you as you strive to flip the spiral to one of positivity and optimism.
As you flip the spiral, positive will beget positive. You will have room for solutions, peace, and joy.
D&C 6:33-36
33 Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.
34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.
35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.
36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.
Much LOVE!
Heather
Monday, March 13, 2017
The Lord is My Shepherd
Hello, Friends!
This is going to be a long blog post, but I wanted to share this and also, I want to have it recorded here to refer to when needed. You may want to split this reading up, or be my guest, and read it all at once! Your choice!
Three years ago, I posted a series of posts on Facebook about the 23rd Psalm. This has been such a foundation of my beliefs on abundance and trusting that the Lord will take care of me. It has been so significant in my life! So, I wanted to reshare here 😊 Here goes:
Now I read the Psalm frequently to remind me that the Lord is mindful of me. It's what I want to focus on. It's what I want to have expanded in my life.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
If you want to change your life for the better, if you want to change your thinking and become more positive, maybe you could take the challenge. See what shows up in your life as a result!
:)
I would like to share a quote. It's a bit long, but it illustrates the importance of coming to know the Shepherd. Robert E. Wells in a talk or article entitled "Know the Shepherd" said, "I once heard President Hugh B. Brown relate this inspiring story: Sometime ago a great actor in the city of New York gave a wonderful performance in a large theatre, at the close of which there were rounds of applause. He was called back again and again. Finally someone called to him, 'Would you do for us the Twenty-third Psalm?'
'Why, yes. I know the Twenty-third Psalm.'
He recited it as an actor would, perfectly, with nothing left to be desired as far as performance was concerned. When he was finished, again there was thunderous applause. Then the actor came to the front of the stage and said: 'Ladies and gentlemen, there is an old man sitting here on the front row whom I happen to know. I am going to ask him without any notice if he will come and repeat the Twenty-third Psalm.'
The elderly gentleman, of course, was frightened. Trembling, he came to the stage. Fearfully he looked out over the vast audience, bowed his head, and talked to God, and [repeated the Psalm]...
When the old man finished, there was no applause, but there was not a dry eye in that house. The actor came to the front of the stage. He, too, was wiping his eyes. And he said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, I know the words of the Twenty-third Psalm, but this man knows the Shepherd.'"
Robert E. Wells went on to say, "We should each ask, 'Am I loving enough, am I studying enough, am I serving enough to know the Shepherd?' May we all come to know the Savior, through obeying his commandments, that when we meet him face to face, we each can say, 'I know thee; thou art my Shepherd.'"
I think it is amazing how much we can learn from the scriptures. It's also amazing how much our children can learn from the scriptures. They are powerful! So, verse 2 says, "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters."
When I think of green pastures, I think of abundance, plenty, healthiness. I saw the perfect picture that describes this verse. It was on the inside of the cover of the February Ensign. It shows a river flowing through a desert. All around the river, there are green, lush trees. Away from the river is just sandy desert with no sign of life. Next to the picture was this scripture found in Jeremiah 17:7-8, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit." Please note that "see" in this scripture means "fear." I shall not fear when the heat cometh.
Is it possible that we can be living in spiritual abundance while all around us is spiritual drought? Yes! It is possible! If we stay close to the living waters (Jesus Christ), we will have abundance. We need to spread out our roots by the living waters and receive of His support and His goodness.
I also love the phrase, "He leadeth me." Think of divine guidance. I love picturing being led by the Lord. Elder Tai Kwok Yuen said, "Ofttimes we become anxious and fearful as we confront the complexities of life. If we seek divine guidance and follow the gospel path, we will be led to our final destination." Elder Richard G. Scott said, "The Lord has placed currents of divine influence in your life that will lead you along the individual plan He would have you fulfill here on earth." INDIVIDUAL plan. I am so grateful to know that God has a plan for me and that He will lead me along the path.
Psalm 23:3 "He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."
In place of restoreth, you can put the word replenishes. What is restored in the soul? Goodness and decency. This comes as "we come to know the Savior through keeping his commandments and serving him," according to James E. Faust.
Sometimes I feel weary. It seems like it's so hard to keep up; it's so hard to keep track. Well, often I am so spiritually fed at my church meetings that literally I feel as if my soul has been replenished and restored. I have been renewed. My problems are not all solved, and yet I feel better about life because I feel that I am not alone. I feel that I have a strength beyond my own...and I am so grateful!
Psalm 23:4 says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for though art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Something that sticks out to me is that it says "though I walk." I think it's important in life to keep walking! Do not freeze up or hide under a rock when faced with adversity...keep walking. Keep walking knowing that He is with you and as our faith in Him increases, our fear will decrease.
Also a great scripture about this is D&C 84:88. He will go before your face and be on your right hand and on your left. Doesn't that alleviate a lot of fear?
The last phrase of this verse has been interesting to me. In the Bible dictionary we find that "A shepherd's rod was a club approximately three feet long, with a knob on one end. It was used to beat wolves away from the herd. A staff, sometimes called a rod, is longer; it was used for walking, resting, or for guiding the sheep." So, the last phrase of that verse could be read "His defense and guidance they comfort me." He is there to defend us and to guide us
:)
Psalm 23:5 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."
The question is, will we partake? The Lord prepares a table before us...will I partake? He wants us to partake of His feast. Feast upon His word, His love, His abundance. Sometimes we choose just to nibble here and there. Sometimes it is so hard to open our hearts and receive!
Hymn # 108 "The Lord is my Shepherd" which is based on this Psalm says, "In the midst of affliction, my table is spread. With blessings unmeasured my cup runneth o're. With perfume and oil thou annointest my head. Oh, what shall I ask of my providence more?" What does our cup runneth over with? "unmeasured blessings." Also it runneth o're with blessed knowledge and conviction; according to Marvin J. Ashton, "Your lamp too can runneth over with spiritual fuel."
Verse 6 says, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
The footnote for "goodness" is "peace of God." I would love to have the peace of God follow me for the rest of my life and forever. I know that with the peace of God, His goodness, and mercy, I will be able to face life's challenges so much better. In the end, isn't our goal to "dwell in the house of the Lord for ever?" It's also His goal for us. We know that His "work and...glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." When our goals are aligned with the Lord's will for us, miracles happen. We are led and guided by the Shepherd so that we may live with Him again (and hopefully, we help others along the way).
I want to leave you with this thought from the original "prescription" given to me by my mother. It says, "The power of this psalm lies in the fact that it represents a positive, hopeful, faith approach to life. The Twenty-third Psalm is a pattern of thinking, and when a mind becomes saturated with it, a new way of thinking and a new life are the result. It contains only 118 words. One could memorize it in a short time. In fact, most of us already know it. But its power is not in memorizing the words, but rather in thinking the thoughts." - Charles Allen (from Norman Vincent Peal's "Treasury of Courage and Confidence")
May we all "think the thoughts" that can change our lives to lives of abundance, peace, goodness, mercy, faith, and feasting!
Much Love, 🎔
Heather
This is going to be a long blog post, but I wanted to share this and also, I want to have it recorded here to refer to when needed. You may want to split this reading up, or be my guest, and read it all at once! Your choice!
Three years ago, I posted a series of posts on Facebook about the 23rd Psalm. This has been such a foundation of my beliefs on abundance and trusting that the Lord will take care of me. It has been so significant in my life! So, I wanted to reshare here 😊 Here goes:
The Challenge
Several years ago, my mom gave me a paper that suggested that as a "prescription" to change thinking and to change your life, you should read the 23rd Psalm five times a day for seven days. It talked about not just reading it, but digesting it and really mindfully reading it and thinking about it and internalizing it. I took the challenge at that time. It was amazing.Now I read the Psalm frequently to remind me that the Lord is mindful of me. It's what I want to focus on. It's what I want to have expanded in my life.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
If you want to change your life for the better, if you want to change your thinking and become more positive, maybe you could take the challenge. See what shows up in your life as a result!
:)
A More In-depth Study
I want to comment on the first phrase of the Psalm. "The Lord is my shepherd." What does this mean? This means to me that He knows me. He takes care of me. He has my best interest in mind.I would like to share a quote. It's a bit long, but it illustrates the importance of coming to know the Shepherd. Robert E. Wells in a talk or article entitled "Know the Shepherd" said, "I once heard President Hugh B. Brown relate this inspiring story: Sometime ago a great actor in the city of New York gave a wonderful performance in a large theatre, at the close of which there were rounds of applause. He was called back again and again. Finally someone called to him, 'Would you do for us the Twenty-third Psalm?'
'Why, yes. I know the Twenty-third Psalm.'
He recited it as an actor would, perfectly, with nothing left to be desired as far as performance was concerned. When he was finished, again there was thunderous applause. Then the actor came to the front of the stage and said: 'Ladies and gentlemen, there is an old man sitting here on the front row whom I happen to know. I am going to ask him without any notice if he will come and repeat the Twenty-third Psalm.'
The elderly gentleman, of course, was frightened. Trembling, he came to the stage. Fearfully he looked out over the vast audience, bowed his head, and talked to God, and [repeated the Psalm]...
When the old man finished, there was no applause, but there was not a dry eye in that house. The actor came to the front of the stage. He, too, was wiping his eyes. And he said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, I know the words of the Twenty-third Psalm, but this man knows the Shepherd.'"
Robert E. Wells went on to say, "We should each ask, 'Am I loving enough, am I studying enough, am I serving enough to know the Shepherd?' May we all come to know the Savior, through obeying his commandments, that when we meet him face to face, we each can say, 'I know thee; thou art my Shepherd.'"
Verse 2
I think it is amazing how much we can learn from the scriptures. It's also amazing how much our children can learn from the scriptures. They are powerful! So, verse 2 says, "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters."
When I think of green pastures, I think of abundance, plenty, healthiness. I saw the perfect picture that describes this verse. It was on the inside of the cover of the February Ensign. It shows a river flowing through a desert. All around the river, there are green, lush trees. Away from the river is just sandy desert with no sign of life. Next to the picture was this scripture found in Jeremiah 17:7-8, "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit." Please note that "see" in this scripture means "fear." I shall not fear when the heat cometh.
Is it possible that we can be living in spiritual abundance while all around us is spiritual drought? Yes! It is possible! If we stay close to the living waters (Jesus Christ), we will have abundance. We need to spread out our roots by the living waters and receive of His support and His goodness.
I also love the phrase, "He leadeth me." Think of divine guidance. I love picturing being led by the Lord. Elder Tai Kwok Yuen said, "Ofttimes we become anxious and fearful as we confront the complexities of life. If we seek divine guidance and follow the gospel path, we will be led to our final destination." Elder Richard G. Scott said, "The Lord has placed currents of divine influence in your life that will lead you along the individual plan He would have you fulfill here on earth." INDIVIDUAL plan. I am so grateful to know that God has a plan for me and that He will lead me along the path.
Verse 3
Psalm 23:3 "He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."
In place of restoreth, you can put the word replenishes. What is restored in the soul? Goodness and decency. This comes as "we come to know the Savior through keeping his commandments and serving him," according to James E. Faust.
Sometimes I feel weary. It seems like it's so hard to keep up; it's so hard to keep track. Well, often I am so spiritually fed at my church meetings that literally I feel as if my soul has been replenished and restored. I have been renewed. My problems are not all solved, and yet I feel better about life because I feel that I am not alone. I feel that I have a strength beyond my own...and I am so grateful!
Verse 4
Psalm 23:4 says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for though art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Something that sticks out to me is that it says "though I walk." I think it's important in life to keep walking! Do not freeze up or hide under a rock when faced with adversity...keep walking. Keep walking knowing that He is with you and as our faith in Him increases, our fear will decrease.
Also a great scripture about this is D&C 84:88. He will go before your face and be on your right hand and on your left. Doesn't that alleviate a lot of fear?
The last phrase of this verse has been interesting to me. In the Bible dictionary we find that "A shepherd's rod was a club approximately three feet long, with a knob on one end. It was used to beat wolves away from the herd. A staff, sometimes called a rod, is longer; it was used for walking, resting, or for guiding the sheep." So, the last phrase of that verse could be read "His defense and guidance they comfort me." He is there to defend us and to guide us
:) Verse 5
:)Psalm 23:5 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."
The question is, will we partake? The Lord prepares a table before us...will I partake? He wants us to partake of His feast. Feast upon His word, His love, His abundance. Sometimes we choose just to nibble here and there. Sometimes it is so hard to open our hearts and receive!
Hymn # 108 "The Lord is my Shepherd" which is based on this Psalm says, "In the midst of affliction, my table is spread. With blessings unmeasured my cup runneth o're. With perfume and oil thou annointest my head. Oh, what shall I ask of my providence more?" What does our cup runneth over with? "unmeasured blessings." Also it runneth o're with blessed knowledge and conviction; according to Marvin J. Ashton, "Your lamp too can runneth over with spiritual fuel."
Verse 6
Verse 6 says, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
The footnote for "goodness" is "peace of God." I would love to have the peace of God follow me for the rest of my life and forever. I know that with the peace of God, His goodness, and mercy, I will be able to face life's challenges so much better. In the end, isn't our goal to "dwell in the house of the Lord for ever?" It's also His goal for us. We know that His "work and...glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." When our goals are aligned with the Lord's will for us, miracles happen. We are led and guided by the Shepherd so that we may live with Him again (and hopefully, we help others along the way).
I want to leave you with this thought from the original "prescription" given to me by my mother. It says, "The power of this psalm lies in the fact that it represents a positive, hopeful, faith approach to life. The Twenty-third Psalm is a pattern of thinking, and when a mind becomes saturated with it, a new way of thinking and a new life are the result. It contains only 118 words. One could memorize it in a short time. In fact, most of us already know it. But its power is not in memorizing the words, but rather in thinking the thoughts." - Charles Allen (from Norman Vincent Peal's "Treasury of Courage and Confidence")
May we all "think the thoughts" that can change our lives to lives of abundance, peace, goodness, mercy, faith, and feasting!
Much Love, 🎔
Heather
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Seize Opportunities; Don't Wait for Perfection
I'm super good at gathering information. I look at Pinterest; I read books; I go to classes; I attend groups; I attend church. Sometimes, I find myself waiting to implement positive change. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting until I know enough or until I understand it thoroughly. I wait until I have a perfect plan ready to implement. I wait until timing is just right and cue cards are ready. I want the perfect path before I take a step.
In my life, I have found that this has WASTED so many good opportunities! It has left me feeling like it's never enough. I'll never be good enough. What a lie! That is just crap! I'm calling it what it is. More and more, I'm trying to seize the moment and implement things as they show up. Most of the time, I don't implement them perfectly. I don't always stick with them or turn them into habits. But, I have gained so much by doing good things without waiting!
I especially see this playing out in my parenting. Want to implement chores? Want to teach the gospel more? Want to teach values? Want to teach money responsibility? JUST DO IT! Do it in the small moments. Do it in small amounts. It's ok if you don't have charts and lesson plans and worksheets and quantifiable results (can you tell I was a teacher?). It counts! It's good! And it ADDS UP!!!
For example, one area that I feel that I haven't done well with my children is teaching them financial responsibility and money matters. I've researched allowances and tried to figure out the perfect "system." Well, folks, life takes trial and error. It takes adjusting. It takes making mistakes and learning from them. It takes flexibility!
My 10 year old daughter has been trying to save money for something she wants. I tried to see if it was just a passing whim, but she has really stuck with it. For a kid with no allowance, it's a large sum of money that she needs to get. In the past, I would have discouraged her. I wouldn't have seized this teaching opportunity.
When I realized that this was not going to just pass, I got on board to try to help teach some financial responsibility and to teach her about goal setting, sticking with it, and achieving it! We talked about options for her to make money. She settled on making lip glosses and selling them. This is something I really enjoy doing. We talked about how much we would sell them for. I had her pay for supplies. We talked about how much would need to be paid for tithing. She helped make the lip gloss. It has been QUALITY time with my daughter (her love language...bonus!). It has sent the message that I care!
Because of the kindness and goodness of my neighbors (seriously, they are the best. ever. and I'm not kidding), she has experienced success in working toward her goal! Yay!! She hasn't reached her overall goal yet, but she sure is motivated to keep going.
I have loved seeing her confidence grow. I can she her learning. Has it been perfect? No! Have we had a perfect business plan? No! Did we wait to have cute labels, shrink wrap, etc? No. But if I was waiting for all of that, I would have missed ALL OF THIS!!!! We started where we were. We used what we had.
Seize the opportunities that present themselves. In my experience, the things we need show up when we need them. This is how God has worked in my life. Believe me, sometimes I have wanted to "Return to Sender," but in hind sight I always see God's wisdom. Don't wait for perfection to implement good things in your life. Do it now. Do it in small amounts. Do it a little at a time. JUST DO IT!!!
I have never regretted it yet!
MUCH LOVE!! 💕
Heather
In my life, I have found that this has WASTED so many good opportunities! It has left me feeling like it's never enough. I'll never be good enough. What a lie! That is just crap! I'm calling it what it is. More and more, I'm trying to seize the moment and implement things as they show up. Most of the time, I don't implement them perfectly. I don't always stick with them or turn them into habits. But, I have gained so much by doing good things without waiting!
I especially see this playing out in my parenting. Want to implement chores? Want to teach the gospel more? Want to teach values? Want to teach money responsibility? JUST DO IT! Do it in the small moments. Do it in small amounts. It's ok if you don't have charts and lesson plans and worksheets and quantifiable results (can you tell I was a teacher?). It counts! It's good! And it ADDS UP!!!
For example, one area that I feel that I haven't done well with my children is teaching them financial responsibility and money matters. I've researched allowances and tried to figure out the perfect "system." Well, folks, life takes trial and error. It takes adjusting. It takes making mistakes and learning from them. It takes flexibility!
My 10 year old daughter has been trying to save money for something she wants. I tried to see if it was just a passing whim, but she has really stuck with it. For a kid with no allowance, it's a large sum of money that she needs to get. In the past, I would have discouraged her. I wouldn't have seized this teaching opportunity.
When I realized that this was not going to just pass, I got on board to try to help teach some financial responsibility and to teach her about goal setting, sticking with it, and achieving it! We talked about options for her to make money. She settled on making lip glosses and selling them. This is something I really enjoy doing. We talked about how much we would sell them for. I had her pay for supplies. We talked about how much would need to be paid for tithing. She helped make the lip gloss. It has been QUALITY time with my daughter (her love language...bonus!). It has sent the message that I care! Because of the kindness and goodness of my neighbors (seriously, they are the best. ever. and I'm not kidding), she has experienced success in working toward her goal! Yay!! She hasn't reached her overall goal yet, but she sure is motivated to keep going.
I have loved seeing her confidence grow. I can she her learning. Has it been perfect? No! Have we had a perfect business plan? No! Did we wait to have cute labels, shrink wrap, etc? No. But if I was waiting for all of that, I would have missed ALL OF THIS!!!! We started where we were. We used what we had.
Seize the opportunities that present themselves. In my experience, the things we need show up when we need them. This is how God has worked in my life. Believe me, sometimes I have wanted to "Return to Sender," but in hind sight I always see God's wisdom. Don't wait for perfection to implement good things in your life. Do it now. Do it in small amounts. Do it a little at a time. JUST DO IT!!!
I have never regretted it yet!
MUCH LOVE!! 💕
Heather
Thursday, February 23, 2017
The Language of Love
I love this too much not to share!!! "Parents love their children, but the reality is that not all children feel loved...There is a huge difference between loving children and children feeling love."
Do you ever feel like you are just missing the mark? Do you feel like you are giving love, but it's just not being received in the way you would like?
I love this video about the 5 love languages in children, and I think it is so important! When children feel loved and secure, they are less likely to act out and misbehave (of course they still do, but the frequency still goes down).
I am trying to send the right love messages to my children. It's a process, but it's amazing how they SOAK it up!!
Good luck parents!
Much Love -
Heather
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Sacrament and Sacrifice
Tomorrow is the Sabbath, and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will get the privilege and opportunity to partake of the Sacrament once again. As a mother with small children, it is often hard to feel like I'm really in tune with the Spirit during the Sacrament or that I'm really getting out of the Sacrament what I need. I recently learned a valuable lesson that has helped me make the Sacrament more meaningful.
Before Christ, covenant people participated in the law of sacrifice, which included sacrificing animals. After Christ's death, this practice was done away with and the Sacrament was instituted by Christ himself. "The death of Jesus Christ...ended the shedding of blood as a gospel ordinance. It is now replaced in the Church by the sacrament of the bread and the water, in remembrance of the offering of Jesus Christ." (Bible Dictionary: Sacrifice).
Now, I had previously realized that the act of sacrificing animals ended with the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. What I did NOT realize is that the sacrament REPLACED that ancient act. The sacrament is like a sacrificial altar. I had never thought of the sacrament table as an altar! So, what are we supposed to sacrifice?
Elder Lynn G. Robbins in the Notes at the end of his talk, "The Righteous Judge" said, "The sacrifice we offer on the altar of the sacrament table each week is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. A broken heart is a repentant heart; a contrite spirit is an obedient spirit."
When we have a repentant heart, we turn away from sin (give sin up) and turn to God. So, you can say that we need to sacrifice our sins. Elder Robbins said, "An unwillingness to sacrifice as part of our penitence mocks or belittles Christ's greater sacrifice for the same sin and trivializes His suffering - a callous sign of ingratitude."
As I continued to read in the conference Ensign, I came upon the talk "The Doctrine of Christ" by Brian K. Ashton. He said, "Make a conscious effort each week to prepare for the sacrament by taking some time to prayerfully consider where we most need to improve. We could then bring a sacrifice of at least one thing that keeps us from being like Jesus Christ to the sacrament altar, pleading in faith for help, asking for necessary spiritual gifts, and covenanting to improve during the coming week." In the notes he said, "One might frequently bring the same sacrifice for weeks at a time until, with the help of the Savior, and as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, 'it [is] consumed'." A friend of mine pointed out that it is interesting that "consumed" is the word here. Parts of the ancient sacrifices were "consumed" or eaten. Also, we "consume" the bread and water of the sacrament. How fitting that through the Atonement of Christ our sins and weaknesses can be consumed!
I decided to try this out last week, on Fast Sunday. As I took the sacrament, I envisioned that sacred table as an altar. In my mind, I laid down a particular sin or weakness on the altar. I imagined giving it over to the Savior, and I asked that Heavenly Father would replace that with the good that would bring me closer to the Savior in that particular area.
Throughout the week, I have found that this prayer has been answered, and I have had the opportunity to do better in certain circumstances! I may have to "frequently bring the same sacrifice," but every improvement is to be celebrated! He is so good to me! His tender mercies show up so profoundly in my life!!
The sacrament could be different and more significant for us each week as we bring our individual sacrifices to the altar. We sacrifice those things that are keeping us from becoming more like and coming closer to the Savior. As we do this, His ultimate sacrifice is not trivialized in our lives, and we are blessed beyond measure!
Before Christ, covenant people participated in the law of sacrifice, which included sacrificing animals. After Christ's death, this practice was done away with and the Sacrament was instituted by Christ himself. "The death of Jesus Christ...ended the shedding of blood as a gospel ordinance. It is now replaced in the Church by the sacrament of the bread and the water, in remembrance of the offering of Jesus Christ." (Bible Dictionary: Sacrifice).
Now, I had previously realized that the act of sacrificing animals ended with the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ. What I did NOT realize is that the sacrament REPLACED that ancient act. The sacrament is like a sacrificial altar. I had never thought of the sacrament table as an altar! So, what are we supposed to sacrifice?
Elder Lynn G. Robbins in the Notes at the end of his talk, "The Righteous Judge" said, "The sacrifice we offer on the altar of the sacrament table each week is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. A broken heart is a repentant heart; a contrite spirit is an obedient spirit."
When we have a repentant heart, we turn away from sin (give sin up) and turn to God. So, you can say that we need to sacrifice our sins. Elder Robbins said, "An unwillingness to sacrifice as part of our penitence mocks or belittles Christ's greater sacrifice for the same sin and trivializes His suffering - a callous sign of ingratitude."
As I continued to read in the conference Ensign, I came upon the talk "The Doctrine of Christ" by Brian K. Ashton. He said, "Make a conscious effort each week to prepare for the sacrament by taking some time to prayerfully consider where we most need to improve. We could then bring a sacrifice of at least one thing that keeps us from being like Jesus Christ to the sacrament altar, pleading in faith for help, asking for necessary spiritual gifts, and covenanting to improve during the coming week." In the notes he said, "One might frequently bring the same sacrifice for weeks at a time until, with the help of the Savior, and as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, 'it [is] consumed'." A friend of mine pointed out that it is interesting that "consumed" is the word here. Parts of the ancient sacrifices were "consumed" or eaten. Also, we "consume" the bread and water of the sacrament. How fitting that through the Atonement of Christ our sins and weaknesses can be consumed!
I decided to try this out last week, on Fast Sunday. As I took the sacrament, I envisioned that sacred table as an altar. In my mind, I laid down a particular sin or weakness on the altar. I imagined giving it over to the Savior, and I asked that Heavenly Father would replace that with the good that would bring me closer to the Savior in that particular area.
Throughout the week, I have found that this prayer has been answered, and I have had the opportunity to do better in certain circumstances! I may have to "frequently bring the same sacrifice," but every improvement is to be celebrated! He is so good to me! His tender mercies show up so profoundly in my life!!
The sacrament could be different and more significant for us each week as we bring our individual sacrifices to the altar. We sacrifice those things that are keeping us from becoming more like and coming closer to the Savior. As we do this, His ultimate sacrifice is not trivialized in our lives, and we are blessed beyond measure!
Thursday, February 2, 2017
The 3 C's to Avoid to Gain Greater Happiness
I was taught a timely lesson as a first year teacher, and I have never forgotten it. I learned in an institute class to avoid three "C's." Here they are!
Avoid
1. Comparing
2. Criticizing
3. Complaining
These three C's seem to show up at the darndest times, just when I think I have learned my lessons concerning them. When they are present, joy and gratitude are not. They make you question your worth and the worth of others. It's best to try the Three C Elimination Diet!
When we compare ourselves with others, we often focus on their strengths and somehow discount our own. We focus on what they have that we don't. We lose gratitude for what we already have and the strengths that we already possess somehow believing that we are lacking, flawed, missing out, or not enough.
On the flip side, you meet Comparison's other cousin, Pride. When we start thinking we are better than others or that we have more than others and this becomes more important than others, we are on a very slippery slope indeed.
Heavenly Father did not send us to Earth to COMPETE with each other, He sent us to COMPLEMENT each other. We all have different strengths and weaknesses that are individualized for our life path. We were sent for different purposes. Our gifts complement each other and can benefit all. (By the way, if you are interested, you should look up the definitions of "complement" and "compliment" and notice the difference.) We each have individual blessings and trials tailored to our learning and growth, and to help us become more like our Heavenly Father. Of course these blessings and trials are going to look differently, because they are individualized! We are each on a different path, so comparing what you've packed to go on a trip to the Arctic with things that someone else has packed to go to Arizona seems pretty silly, right?
Choose to lift up, to show mercy, kindness, patience, long-suffering, support, friendship, LOVE. Guess who has these attributes?
So, there you have it folks. The 3 C's to avoid. May the Lord help us with our Three C Elimination Diet! We will lose the weight of some depression, self-depreciation, and negativism. We will gain positive relationship muscles that will improve our relationships with others, ourselves, and God.
Avoid
1. Comparing
2. Criticizing
3. Complaining
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| Found Here |
Let's look at each culprit individually.
1. Comparison
The ugly green-headed Comparison, who happens to be cousins with the green monster ~ Envy. You'll usually find these two together. They are quite the inseparable pair. There is no room in a joyful life for these two.When we compare ourselves with others, we often focus on their strengths and somehow discount our own. We focus on what they have that we don't. We lose gratitude for what we already have and the strengths that we already possess somehow believing that we are lacking, flawed, missing out, or not enough.
On the flip side, you meet Comparison's other cousin, Pride. When we start thinking we are better than others or that we have more than others and this becomes more important than others, we are on a very slippery slope indeed.
Heavenly Father did not send us to Earth to COMPETE with each other, He sent us to COMPLEMENT each other. We all have different strengths and weaknesses that are individualized for our life path. We were sent for different purposes. Our gifts complement each other and can benefit all. (By the way, if you are interested, you should look up the definitions of "complement" and "compliment" and notice the difference.) We each have individual blessings and trials tailored to our learning and growth, and to help us become more like our Heavenly Father. Of course these blessings and trials are going to look differently, because they are individualized! We are each on a different path, so comparing what you've packed to go on a trip to the Arctic with things that someone else has packed to go to Arizona seems pretty silly, right?
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| Found Here |
2. Criticism
To put it simply, if the choice is between criticism and kindness, always. choose. kindness. You will find what you are looking for in life and in people, places, situations, etc. If you choose to look for the bad, to blame, and find fault, it will be more than easy to do so. But, if you choose to find the good, the positive, and things to be grateful for, you will also find it. Guess which one leads to greater happiness?
There are enough harsh, unrighteous judgments (different than righteous judgment) out there. There is enough negativity. There is too much that tears individuals down, and not enough that builds them up.
Choose to lift up, to show mercy, kindness, patience, long-suffering, support, friendship, LOVE. Guess who has these attributes?
Personal criticism is not good for the criticizer or the one being criticized. It usually does not bring about positive change. So, it's time to stop the negative criticism, the kind that does not come from the Spirit.
President Hinckley, known for his optimism, said, "Criticism, faultfinding, evil speaking-these are the sentiments of our day.... Everywhere is heard the insulting remark, the sarcastic comment, the verbal attack against the reputations of others. Sadly, these are too often the bases of our conversation. In our homes, wives cry and children break down emotionally under critical attacks from husbands and fathers. Criticism is the seed of divorce, and it develops rebellion in our young. Sometimes it leads even to the destruction of individual self-worth...
I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and problems of life, and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we concentrate on the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we halt the sounds of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course of action.
President Hinckley, known for his optimism, said, "Criticism, faultfinding, evil speaking-these are the sentiments of our day.... Everywhere is heard the insulting remark, the sarcastic comment, the verbal attack against the reputations of others. Sadly, these are too often the bases of our conversation. In our homes, wives cry and children break down emotionally under critical attacks from husbands and fathers. Criticism is the seed of divorce, and it develops rebellion in our young. Sometimes it leads even to the destruction of individual self-worth...
I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and problems of life, and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we concentrate on the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we halt the sounds of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course of action.
What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that spreads through our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was inclined to speak critically of people or events, my father would say: 'Pessimists do not contribute, unbelievers do not create, doubters do not achieve.'" (Find the full talk HERE.)
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| Found HERE |
3. Complaining
Ok, so I admit, complaining is in my extroverted nature. It just comes naturally. This does not mean that I have no control over the complaints that seem to spill out of my mouth. It does mean that I have to work harder to keep complaints in check.
I will say that I truly believe there is a difference between venting, working through negative emotions and situations by talking about it, and just complaining. We need to be able to voice our emotions in a healthy way. Emotions not dealt with tend to show up over and over again in so many different areas of our lives. Stuffing them deep down inside is destructive. So, we do need to find healthy, CONSTRUCTIVE ways to deal with negative emotions.
The difference between constructive, healthy release of emotion and plain old complaining to me is this: one leads to solutions; the other leads no where. The difference is where you set up camp. Do you set up camp in the Cavern of Complaint, where the darkness creeps in and all you can see are your problems and yourself as a victim? Or do you set up camp on Solution Slope, where you are working to overcome your problems and seeking to be proactive and empowered? Here you are climbing to higher planes. You may rest a bit, cry a bit, have a tantrum or two, but you don't stay there. You keep moving up; you find solutions; you get out of victim mode!
The difference between constructive, healthy release of emotion and plain old complaining to me is this: one leads to solutions; the other leads no where. The difference is where you set up camp. Do you set up camp in the Cavern of Complaint, where the darkness creeps in and all you can see are your problems and yourself as a victim? Or do you set up camp on Solution Slope, where you are working to overcome your problems and seeking to be proactive and empowered? Here you are climbing to higher planes. You may rest a bit, cry a bit, have a tantrum or two, but you don't stay there. You keep moving up; you find solutions; you get out of victim mode!
May God continually bless you on your personal journey!
Much love, as always!🎔
Heather
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